I Feel You Linger In The Air

Chapter 26 - The Scent of Your Cheek

My eyes widen in astonishment while Commander Yai smiles and flicks his gaze forward brazenly.

"Commander Yai..what was that?"

"No need to make a fuss," he scolds in a gentle voice.

"You kissed my cheek."

"Who told you to put your cheek near my mouth?"

His excuse makes me gape. Seriously...? Hell, no! Love makes you blind, but it doesn't damage your brain. I cup my cheek, my blood pumping to my face, making my skin feel hot.

"Commander Yai...that was not." I stutter, at a loss for words. I can't find a single word to describe these things swirling around in my head. Questions and feelings crash into each other as though they are trying to stand out and make me prioritise them first.

I am shocked. In the shock, nonetheless, there is happiness. Along with that happiness, there is a question as to why Commander Yai did that. The answer, one I can't bring myself to assume, forces me to suppress this happiness that attempts to bloom in my heart. I am awfully scared to be disappointed, yet, deep down in my heart, I want to hope. It is hard to organise the feelings that urge me to be hopeful and know my place at the same time. Noting my awkwardness, Commander Yai speaks softly.

"I was teasing you, Jom. What should I have done if not kissing you? You were clinging to my back, crying, a few nights ago. Now you're ignoring me."

A new question pops up and crashes through the old ones, scattering them. What did Commander Yai mean? Was the cheek kiss just a tease? Were his words a tease while the kiss was real? And when did I ignore him?

When I opened my mouth to ask, we had arrived at the camp. Commander In is hovering near the fire. Spotting us, he marches here immediately. He glances at Commander Yai's hand on my waist for a second and flicks his eyes away as if he's not suspicious of anything.

"Yai, I need to discuss our travel route with you," he says, his face serious, looking troubled. Commander Yai agrees. He helps me dismount the horse and tells me, "Don't sleep yet. I'll have someone bring the salve to you." I acknowledge it, feeling distracted.

A while later, someone delivers a small bottle of salve to me, as Commander Yai has said. I sit on a cart, dab my fingers on the ointment that feels like soft beeswax, and apply it to the scrapes on my limbs, thinking of everything that has happened. Commander Yai's action tonight is puzzling, making me ponder a lot. Some put a smile on my face, but some perturb me. Tonight, I will fall asleep with these unanswered questions until daybreak.

The next day, the procession advances late in the morning. Some of us are still drained from the wildfire escape last night, but we have to push through. We trek for several hours into the shadier and damper area. The plants over here appear dissimilar, with thick clumps of bushes and parasitic plants growing on other trees. The great trees extend their trunks up high, spreading their overlapping branches and leaves. The air is distinctly cooler.

Captain Mun tells me the route is longer than the previous one, but the good thing is we can avoid the wildfire, and there is a small village ahead where we can take shelter. Commander In isn't happy about taking this route, but has to accept it. 

As we journey on, my mind keeps wandering to Commander Yai. I know I am preoccupied. Can I help it, though, when what he did was not normal? How could he hold my waist and kiss my cheek like that? I am not a five-year-old kid whom he can put on his lap and kiss and peck as he wishes. Did he do it out of affection or adoration? Kissing my cheek because he adores me isn't funny. I am a grown-ass man. It is impossible for me to feel nothing. And the way he talked, like he was sulking...

My limbs feel weak at the thought, and I start feeling irritated with myself. In the afternoon, Commander Yai halts the procession to make camp. We settle down earlier than on other days because Princess Amphan is too tired to continue the journey.

"Do you have a fever?" Captain Mun places his hand on my forehead. "Your face is all red."

"No, I don't. I feel worn out by the wildfire escape last night," I make an excuse. I can't possibly tell him why my face reddens. Shortly after, I discovered why this area is exceptionally healthy-it is close to a cascade. I follow Captain Mun to the waterfall. The water plummets onto the rocks and splashes in tiny bubbles that cling to leaves in clear drops.

Captain Mun and his gang wade into the water energetically and attempt to catch fish with their bare hands. A few moments later, we all head back to the camp to carry out our tasks.

I grab a chance while everyone is busy working to return to the waterfall. The servants are setting up the tents and preparing ingredients for supper. It is a good chance for me to bathe as everyone is doing their job. I usually help them with trivial stuff, but I want some time alone today.

Water cascades through crevices. Further away, I spot a pond curving into the bank like a large bathtub. It hides behind thick bushes, inconspicuous. I edge that way, leave all my clothes on the bank, and get in the water, the shallow area where pebbles are visible. I swim to the pond I targeted and test the water's depth.

The pond is clear and flows slowly, cool and refreshing. The water isn't as rapid as the section that connects directly to the cascade. I tread to the other side, where branches hang low from the trees on the bank. The water right here is at shoulder level, not as deep as the centre of the pond, which is an arm's length above my head.

I float with my head above water in relaxation. Petals and leaves are blown and fall on the water's surface. They drift slowly in circles, not flowing away so easily. It feels like I am bathing in a fancy spa filled with the scent of the forest. 

I float on my back, close my eyes, and absorb the nature surrounding me. The breeze, the shady trees, the lulling sound of flowing water. Yet, my mind wanders to what happened last night, when Commander Yai kissed my cheek. The sight in my head makes my cheek tingle, and I shut my eyes more tightly. How wicked of Commander Yai. He brazenly did that without asking for my consent. Still, if he had asked, I am not sure what my response would have been.

I hear a rustling sound approaching, as if someone is walking through the bushes. I open my eyes, sink my feet in the water, and turn to look.

...Commander Yai. He stands on the bank a short distance away from the pond and flicks his eyes to me. He says, "Let me bathe, too."

Startled, I quickly spin as he starts to take off his clothes. I swim to the other side of the pond and wait until I hear him jumping in before turning around. Commander Yai swims to the deeper part that connects to the cascade. I shake off my imagination of his body under the water from my brain. My profession requires imagination and creativity, but I hope they don't go so wildly in this moment.

I am nervous and thrilled at the same time, but Commander Yai seems to have no problem at all. He. submerges in the water, resurfaces, scrubs his body, and washes his hair comfortably as if he were alone. Is he trying to seduce me? If so, needless to say, he is super mean. If it were before, I would just watch without blinking and take it as a good chance to admire his body with my eyes. But now I have realised that doing that is more dangerous to me. I force my mind to think of something else rather than the sensual beauty of a human's body.

Soon, Commander Yai does what I fear by gliding into the pond I am bathing in. I hesitate between leaving and staying. A ludicrous thought. Commander Yai is no bandit. Why should I run away? There is another reason that stops me from getting out of the water-it might not look like I am running away, but it will look like I am desperately seducing him by showing my body.

Commander Yai leans his back on the other side, resting his arms on the ground. We are on opposite sides of the pond. It doesn't help much, though. The water at his side is at chest level, exposing his firm shoulders. Commander Yai slicks his wet raven hair back with both hands, pasting it on his nape. Drops of water glisten on his face and over his chest.

I am awfully nervous. My limbs move awkwardly as if they aren't part of my body. I sink until the water reaches my chin and blow the surface gently, not looking his way. It is a meaningless action executed by my brain to look natural, not going stiff and gawking at him like a madman. After faking sane for a while, I peek at him.

Commander Yai is watching me. Despite his sharp eyes, a gentle smile flickers on his lips. I avert my eyes, my heart uncontrollably shaking.

"Are you still mad at me?" he asks in a soft tone. I bite my lip, struggling to find an answer. At last, I reply with a question, "About what?"

"That I kissed you."

..Ugh, he couldn't be more direct. I scratch my arms secretly under the water to suppress my emotions. He doesn't have to be so straightforward. I mutter, "I don't know why you did it."

"You were ignoring me."

"When did I ignore you?" I am confused for real now. For the past few days, I have been careful not to express my affection to him with my eyes or actions. I had no clue if I did well. I might have stared at his back longingly sometimes.

"I looked at you every day. Did you not notice?"

"did."

So what? I also looked at him every day and even had to remind myself not to stare too long.

"Hmm..." Commander Yai heaves a sigh. "And you're saying you didn't ignore me."

This is nuts...He calls that ignoring? I was avoiding eye contact. Didn't I do that in fear that he would be aggravated? I have been crazily mindful of him, yet he put it that way. I press my lips together and frown, not sure if I feel shy or upset by his absurd accusation. Receiving no response, Commander Yai speaks.

"Do you think I did that to tease you?"

"I don't know. How am I supposed to know what you're thinking?"

Commander Yai pauses before gliding towards me. I turn aside in alarm. The petals on the surface are sparser than eadier and everything under the water is more visible. Maybe the petals are the same, and it is all in my head. My heart thumps...He is naked. And so am I.

Commander Yai stops before me, within arm's reach. "Do you care to find out? Come closer, and I'll tell you." His voice is so gentle that my body nearly melts. I try to suppress my feelings. Though I want to know the reason like crazy, I don't even dare to breathe because of his action. Commander Yai needs to back away a bit more if we are to have a sensible conversation.

Commander Yai fixes his eyes on me, a small smile lingering on his lips. He lowers his gaze to my neck and shoulders, not in a leering way, but in a way that conveys some indication that burns my skin.

"Your skin is so light, Jom," he whispers, raising his eyes back to my face. "Since yesterday, the scent of your cheek has been lingering in my nose."

My racing heart is now pounding. Commander Yai is more vicious than I expected. He attacks me with his gaze and sweet, subtly flirtatious words, the kind that defeats me. I can't take this anymore. I will die if I stay. I shift towards the waterfall. "I'll go over there."

"Wait." Commander Yai grabs my upper arms before I can leave. I need to face him without a choice. Our eyes meet, and I instantly know something is about to happen. I clench my fists under the water, anxious and anticipating. But then, I hear people chatting from the other side. We both turn to the sound. Even if we can't see them

Yet, judging by the words and accents, we know they are either the soldiers or the servants from our procession.

Commander Yai moves his grip on my upper arms and abruptly embraces me. I exclaim in shock, but he seals my mouth with his lips, absorbing my voice in time, then he pulls me down under the water with him. Amid the disarray of my mind and our rubbing bodies, I try to ask myself what is happening. Is he kissing me or stopping me from making a sound? I would have found the answer more easily had our bodies not been this close. Commander Yai holds me tightly, chest on chest, abdomen on abdomen. I am startled as I can feel the shape of his body.

Before my soul slips out of my body from this underwater kiss, Commander Yai lifts me over the surface a few seconds later. He removes his arms as slowly as the way he does his lips. Commander Yai slides his hands to my upper arms and leans his face closer to whisper.

"Jom, my tent is spacious, and your chess cloth and pieces are still there."

Before I get the meaning, Commander Yai tilts his head to my ear and speaks. I give him no reply, even when he backs away and swims off to the bank, where he jumped in the water earlier. The others start coming to bathe. I can hear their occasional chatters and splashes. Commander Yai has walked off pretty far now, but I remain here, gazing at the treetops swaying in the wind. It snips the flowers and sends them falling. Commander Yai's last words are clear in my mind as though he is whispering by my side. Heat rushes from my ears to my chest.

'Jom-Jao, come to me tonight.. I'll wait."