I Feel You Linger In The Air

Chapter 20 - Do Anything but Strip.

 I try to start another conversation with Captain Mun, but he doesn't seem too interested. He sometimes pretends not to hear. A moment later, a man walks towards us.

"Captain Mun, Commander Yai requests your presence," he tells Captain Mun and glances at me. "I will keep watch on him."

Captain Mun nods and strides off, leaving me with the man delivering the message, also dressed like a soldier. I decide to greet him first to offer my friendship.

"I'm Jom."

He looks at me weirdly and goes rigid as if he has no idea how to respond or doesn't expect me to speak a human language. He flicks his eyes forward without replying; Ha..Why is it so hard to befriend these men? Since no one wants to be my friend, I keep walking, looking around, and being careful not to trip too often. 

I eavesdrop on everyone's conversations and observe everything around me, as I can never know what will be of use in surviving my current situation. There is no book on how to survive when you travel back in time, so I need to note everything and come up with my own solutions, winging it awkwardly, as you see. Fortunately, their language is similar to the Thai language I used in the modern era. The differences are the accent and some archaic words that make me speculate that Seehasingkorn borders some provinces in Thailand. In fact, the roots of many cultures of us were influenced by numerous countries, such as Khmer, Mon, Laos, and even India.

Captain Mun comes back a moment later and gestures to my temporary guard to leave. The man looks relieved that he no longer has to be near me. After a few steps, Captain Mun turns to me and holds out a bamboo tube containing water.

"Here, take a gulp or two. The sunlight gets stronger by the second. If you faint, it will be a problem for me."

My eyes widen. I gawk at him, not sure if I heard him right. Captain Mun seems annoyed. "Just have it all. Will you take it or not?"

"Yes...Yes," I reply quickly. I drink from the tube and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, smiling at him with appreciation. "Thank you."

The atmosphere of the trip improves. Captain Mun must be sympathetic to my pitiful state. He becomes friendlier and doesn't pull an irritated face when I trip.

"You don't seem familiar with the woods, as though you never travelled through one," he says when I trip on a rock, and he has to seize my arm.

"I did, but not in these kinds of woods," I reply honestly.

"What city are you from?"

I hesitate, not certain how to answer. I can't say Chiang Mai or Bangkok, as those are my workplaces. I was actually born in Chonburi. 

"My home is in Sriracha." I adjust my pronoun, thinking it will be safer this way. Given their conversations from last night until now, I have heard them using all sorts of pronouns. They addressed themselves to those or by name, depending on whom they spoke to, the mood, ages, and feelings as they conversed.

During the conversations, they sometimes got angry and used the ruder pronoun instead. And those who always addressed themselves with the ruder pronoun sometimes used the mellow one to ease the tension when their banter went wrong. I have decided to use the most neutral pronoun. No more or less.

"Hmm.." Captain Mun thinks hard. "Never heard of it. Who's the ruler?"

I smile. I don't even remember who the current provincial governor of Chonburi is. "You wouldn't recognise him anyway. It's a... Ah, pretty mysterious city. No one here knows or ever visits it."

Captain Mun gasps despite himself and hides it by coughing softly, but I can see the change in his expression and eyes. He looks uneasy and worried. He pauses for a moment and asks. "What is the reason for your arrival?"

Maybe it is the feeling that he is Ming, my old friend, that makes me want to tell him the truth without concocting things. "I didn't want to come here. I was sent here, actually. I don't know why, though. Please don't ask about who sent me here. I can't explain it because the sender isn't human."

Captain Mun was astounded. I give him an understanding and concerned look. I hope I can explain the wormhole theory, but I guess it is better to let him believe this to be spiritual and supernatural, as people in this period would.

"How long will it take to get to your Seehasingkorn?" I ask, feeling like my legs are about to fall off.

"Days," he replies. When he sees my expression, he adds, "The procession will take a break soon."

I heave a sigh of relief. The trip across the bumpy route is a hassle enough, and I am shackled. Beads of sweat form on my forehead and back from the increasingly hot air. If I don't rest soon, weariness will knock me out.

Shortly, the procession stops by a river. I sit with the soldiers and servants, separated from the area where Princess Amphan and the female royal attendants are resting. The top of the white long-handled umbrella is visible from a distance.

I settle on the grass under a tree and watch the servants lead the horses to the river to drink. They all sit scattered on the grass and rocks on the riverbank. Some wade into the river, thigh-deep, and rub themselves with the water. Even though the sunlight is scalding, there is this cool breeze. I stretch my legs to reduce the stiffness and spectate the sunlight dancing on the ripples.

"How fortunate that we stumbled upon the river on our way," I say to Captain Mun. "The horses and cows would have been dehydrated otherwise."

Captain Mun scoffs. "We didn't stumble upon it. The river, wide and deep, runs past small cities to Seehasingkorn. Though the procession advances on the common travelling route, it will always lead back to the river. The stream you washed yourself in at dawn also flows into the Ping River."

I stare at Ming in surprise...The Ping River. Did I hear it right?!

"Ming. Mean, what did you say, Captain Mun? Is this the Ping River?" I grab his arm, getting too excited.

"Right." He frowns. "Don't you know it?"

"I do." I release his arm. "I know the Ping River, but I didn't know this is the Ping River."

My words baffle him quite a bit. Captain Mun mumbles something and turns away as though he can't deal with me anymore. I look at the vast body of water flowing lazily under the sun, my hand moving up to my heart. This is the river I am deeply familiar with. I used to swim in it, paddle in it, and collect the falling Lantoms from it to put beside my pillow.

My chest feels devastatingly hollow when it occurs to me that if I skirt along the river, I will reach the area where Khun-Yai's house is at some point. He is alive in a period of time, and I have been swept into a brief moment of that time, to be part of his life, to collide, to love, and to depart.

"Please go and relax as you like, Captain Mun," I say, noticing him glancing at the group of his friends chatting by the river not far away from here. "I will rest here, not fleeing."

Captain Mun is reluctant. However, when he sees my downhearted state, which clearly shows that I have no strength to even get up and run right now, he points his finger at me. 

"Stay here. Don't wander around, or we both will be whipped in the back." I nod. Captain Mun walks away, leaving me sitting under the shade, but occasionally looks my way from afar.

I pull my knees to my chest and drape my arms around them. I lean my head on my arms and lock my gaze at the river, my heart feeling lost.

...Why did the wormhole bring me here?

Under the shade of branches spreading around the trees and the sunlight seeping through the twigs, I notice and realise something. I hold out my hand and look at the ground. My shadow is the same dark shade as other shadows around me, confirming my existence. I think, scornfully, that this must be their fucking despicable genius plan, huh? They force my existence when they want and take away even my shadow when they want.

Something has become clear in my mind, which weighs me down more than it puts me at ease, when I think about the possibility of what I have just seen and how it works. I reckon that my shadow went paler when my time was almost up, then it eventually vanished along with my existence during that time. I stare at my dark shadow on the ground for a second. I won't get to go back anytime soon. I might never go back at all.

After a long while, the journey proceeds. On the way, I hear them say that if there is no more rain, they will reach a village in two days and might stay there for a night or two to rest and find more food. I feel rather relieved to hear that.

In the evening, they camp in the meadow a distance away from the woods but still close to the river. They arrange the tents in a precise pattern. The tents of Princess Amphan and the female royal attendants are in the safest zone, surrounded by the tents of the guarding soldiers, which are sited inches apart.

Further out are the sleeping places of the servants and the carts, where I am. They have to build fires in this area and take turns keeping watch all night for thieves or wild animals. They don't sleep in tents like the Royal Guards. Instead, they simply stick wooden poles into the ground in four corners and tie a cloth overhead to presumably shelter themselves from the morning dew.

I rest on the grass near the luggage carts and watch the servants take the beddings from the carts for the female royal attendants. On the other side, the cooks are building a fire to make some food. I feel so drained that I want to sleep right here. The air is cool, making me want to take a nap, but someone's voice snaps me wide awake.

"Ai-Mun! I told you to keep watch on him. Where are you? Do you wish to get thrashed?!"

I jump and turn my head. Khun-Yai is riding his horse over here. He flicks his eyes around before landing his gaze on me. I automatically slouch and drop my eyes in an instant. Captain Mun scurries towards us and keeps bowing. "Please don't be infuriated and punish me, Commander. I went to help pass things to the female royal attendants. I wouldn't dare to wander off anywhere, Commander."

"Ha...You have the nerve to argue. Do you think I'm not onto you, you randy bastard?" Commander Yai points at his face. "Is it your job?"

Captain Mun shuts his mouth and hums a response, accepting his guilt. Khun-Yai diverts his gaze to me. "Where will he sleep?"

I tense up as he mentions me. Captain Mun immediately replies, happy that the unwanted attention is shifted to me. "On the cart, Commander. It will keep him from the dew and in the soldiers' eyes all night long."

"If tigers come to take the cows, won't they take him as well?" Extremely startled, I turn to Captain Mun, and then Khun-Yai, and then Captain Mun again, in shock. Holy freaking shit. They're not joking!

"True as you have said, Commander. Should he sleep with the servants and have the soldiers keep an eye on him?" Captain Mun scratches his head. "If the thieves strike, he will not survive because of the shackles. He will not be able to run from the tigers as well. They will drag him into the woods."

I am going to cry. I look at Commander Yai pleadingly, my lips trembling. I will do anything, but don't let me get eaten by the freaking tigers! Commander Yai stares at me with a deadpan face. He slowly presses his beautiful lips together in aggravation and snarls, "Take him to my tent."

I almost holler and hug Captain Mun, happy to be away from danger. But he glares at me, so I level down my happiness to a relieved smile and watch Khun-Yai lead his horse away without another word.

Night falls. After finishing the meal, Captain Mun brings me to the river. I throw a surprised glance at him when he takes out a key to unlock the shackles on my ankles.

"Clean yourself up," he says. "If I brought you to Commander Yai in this state, not only would you get kicked out, Ai-Jom, but you would also get a taste of his foot. You're a dirty mess."

I look down at myself. It is just as Captain Mun said. I am no different from a homeless man. My shirt and pants are caked with mud, and I don't smell too good. Captain Mun unlocks the shackle on my wrists so I can take off my clothes. He pouts at the river.

"Bathe near the bank. Don't think to swim away. I will watch you from right here."

I am stunned at first and then simply accept it. All right, although it is super weird to bathe with a spectator, it is better than getting shackled and cleaned up by Captain Mun. He has compromised as much as he could, and I suppose he would feel more uncomfortable if he had to scrub my skin.

When I get back up, Captain Mun tosses new clothes on the ground. "Hurry and put these on." I pick up the shirt and see it is a tarnished, rough, round-neck, short-sleeve cotton shirt, the kind the servants wear, not the vest-looking shirt of the soldiers. I feel relieved I don't have to show my chest to anyone. My skin is pretty light compared to the men here. Given my moderate amount of muscle, the uniform will be dull rather than intimidating, unlike on their ripped bodies.

Once I have put on the shirt, I collect the cloth for my lower body and go stiff. Shit. What the hell is this?

A long, dark brown cloth is in my hands, a single fabric resembling a loincloth but wider and longer. I hesitate, not knowing how to wear it, while Captain Mun crosses his arms and lifts his eyebrow.

"I don't know how to put it on," I confess in a meek voice. Here comes the memorable cloth-wearing practice. Captain Mun explains the way and grumbles about where exactly I came from, that I never tried on a drawn-up cloth. He demonstrates nimbly, starting from draping the cloth around my waist and letting the hems down. He ties a tight knot before my stomach, folds the front of the edges of the fabric together, and draws up the parts covering my ankles. He combines those edges at the front before pulling them under my crotch and tugging them in the waistband at the back. That is it.

I noticed Captain Mun looking extremely amused but trying to stifle his laughter throughout. Once he was done, I almost danced around because he did a wonderful job. It fits me well and is practical, looking great as if I am about to perform a folktale for foreign visitors.

I try moving around to check if it will undo itself, but it appears secure even without a belt. In fact, I haven't seen anyone wearing belts except Commander Yai and Commander In. Their belts presumably relate to their rank.

"People in this era are smart." I beam, shifting left and right in satisfaction. "They came up with the way to wear this cloth."

Captain Mun gazes at me silently for a moment, then his expression changes. It is somewhere between shame and discomfort. Curious, I ask,

"What's wrong?"

"You... don't look like an evil person."

I sigh. Those who haven't spent time with me, like Captain Mun, must view me negatively as Captain Mun did before.

"I'm not evil," I tell him. "Don't be paranoid or scared. Besides not being a thief, I possess no magic to harm anyone. I even needed your help with a cloth."

He cracks an amused smile and leads me back to the camp. When we arrive, the sky is dark, and the stars glisten in the vast sky. The men circle the fires built around the area. Captain Mun leaves me with the night-shift sentries. He is gone for a while before coming back and gesturing to me to get up.

"Commander Yai and Commander In are waiting."

My heart plummets upon hearing those words. I stand and follow him to Commander Yai's tent further inside. It is situated a certain distance from the tents of the female royal attendants. Close enough to hear them screaming and charge in to help if necessary, but not too close to disturb their privacy.

When I enter the tent, I spot Commander Yai and Commander In sitting together inside. They both flick their eyes at me, making me more nervous. I slouch as I trail after Captain Mun inside and sit on the mat before the two brothers a distance away. The tent is lit by a small lantern. I fidget when Commander Yai nods to Captain Mun as a signal for him to leave.

"What is your name?" asks Ohm or Commander In. I answer as politely as possible, "Jom, sir."

"Do you know your age?" What a ridiculous question. Who wouldn't know their own age? It means he still dwells in the same imagination as the royal physician does. That I was sent by a divinity. Come to think of it, the belief is safer for my life than the one Commander Yai has.

"Twenty-four, sir."

Before Commander In asks anything more, Commander Yai's deep, hoarse voice cuts in, "Where is Sriracha? How come I don't recognise it?"

I’m speechless for a second, finally understanding why Captain Mun suddenly offered me some companionship during the day. Commander Yai ordered him to spy on me. I press my lips together, angry and upset. How can he be like this? Only yesterday, he said he loved me, kissed my hands gently, and told me to wait for him. But now, he isn't so much as bothered to have a nice conversation with me.

"I think he's lying," he tells Commander In, his eyes fixed on me. My anger skyrockets, and I blurt out in resentment.

"How can you recognise it? It is not a city in your era, and lah, I will state it right here that I am not a bandit coming to rob you lots, as Commander Yai believes. I got lost. I didn't choose to show up in the middle of your caravan, let alone have an ill intention towards you. I only learned you are Seehasingkorian when you said it. If you think I will harm you, Commander Yai, you can send me back to spend the night in the cart."

I know that was stupidly bold of me to yammer like that, but I don't freaking care anymore. I would rather risk getting eaten by a tiger out there than letting him hurt me over and over.

"Your limbs are as tiny as twigs. How will you hurt my brother?" Commander In points out, more amused than furious. "If you raise your arm, my brother can simply rip all your limbs off."

"Don't lower your guard, In, my brother. You can't trust someone by their appearance. There are people with beautiful faces and evil minds."

"Brother, are you afraid I will be charmed by his appearance?" Commander In jokes.

Commander Yai doesn't laugh. He utters in a low voice. "Whoever holds ill will towards my brother, no matter who they are, I will draw blood out of their heads."

Damn...This is crazy. I sigh, bummed. They are the same, my ex-lover and my new lover. My brother this...my brother that. They keep doting on each other. Who the hell is sitting here, huh? Ai-Jom, the worthless piece of shit?

"Let's not be hasty, brother." Commander In places his hand on Commander Yai's knee. "If he has no ill will, the sin will fall upon us as the royal physician warned. But if he does hold an ill intention, I,  Commander In, will decapitate him myself."

After threatening me, Ohm vacates the tent. I am not sure whether he meant it or was just joking, but I have no wish to prove it. Now that we are alone, the tension amps up. I keep my head down, squeezing my hands, and sneak glances at him to predict his next move. Will he send me back outside, as I challenged him like an idiot? Damn it. Ai-Jom, you will be damned by your own words.

Commander Yai sits in silence, not a word escaping his mouth, while I can only study his feet. Um...His feet are long, his ankles in bracelets. Both Commander Yai and Commander In wear them. The material is silver like their earrings, I guess. I peek at his face and jump since Commander Yai is staring at me. My heart drums from two feelings: longing and fear of who he is right now.

"You know me, don't you?" he asks. My head bobs up immediately, my heart pounding with hope. Does he feel our bond? The deep attachment between us might reside in his heart for a lifetime.

"What about you, Commander Yai? Do you know me as well?" My voice quivers. The hope in my heart blooms, uncontrollably shaking my emotions. "It's Jom..lt's me."

Commander Yai knits his brow, surprised by my reaction. He shakes his head and says, "I have never met you. How can I possibly know you? Though you hold no ill will, speak honestly. If you have been ordered by some bandit, confess. I will take no offence and set you free."

My heart deflates, not only from his solemn manner but also from his voice and eyes. He seems distant, like a stranger. He doesn't remember me at all. Not a single place in his heart feels attached to me.

"There is nothing like that, Commander Yai," I say bitterly. "No matter how many times you ask, the answer will be the same. No matter who you send to ask me, I'll be there. I got lost in this place accidentally and against my will. I know you are suspicious that I might be a spy of an enemy, but I confirm that I have no ill intention towards Commander Yai or anyone else here. This is the truth. Commander Yai remains quiet.

"And these manacles." I raise my wrists. "Shackled or not, it doesn't matter, as I have no plan to flee. In this world, in this period, I have nowhere else to go."

I stare into his eyes, suppressing the disturbing feeling in my chest. "I wish I could go back, Commander Yai, but I don't know how."

He shakes his head slowly. "Your words are rather difficult to stomach."

I blurt, "If I say I got lost from another lifetime, would you believe me?"

This time, he is taken aback. Commander locks his unfathomable gaze on me. He looks neither angry nor sympathetic. It could be confusion. I can't guess how he feels. After a while, Commander Yai rises and speaks in an unreadable voice. "Stay here. Do not go anywhere."

He exits the tent and just sits here as told, not daring to wander around or peek outside through the gap of the curtain door. I sweep my eyes around. There is not much in this tent. The ground is covered with a mat with a carpet on top to sit and sleep on. A trunk rests next to the lantern. Commander Yai's bed is a thick mattress resembling a Japanese futon placed on the carpet, with a pillow and a blanket folded neatly on it. I can't find my mattress, though.

I fidget for some time before Captain Mun steps inside. My heart drops when I see his face. Commander Yai has decided to chase me out to be a tiger's bait, huh? That is not the case, as it turned out, since Captain Mun hands me a blanket and warns, "Don't run or pull some nasty trick while Commander Yai sleeps. If the chain moves an inch, your head will be cut off."

"Where do I sleep?" I turn my head left and right.

"If Commander Yai sleeps over there, you sleep on the other side," Captain Mun answers in vexation, like I'm an idiot. "Stay away from his feet and swords. Or if you want to sleep on the mattress with him, do as you wish."

He walks out, leaving me alone again. Great..Damn hierarchy. Commander Yai gets to sleep on a clean mattress on a carpet, whereas I have to sleep on a rough mat with one blanket to prevent me from freezing to death. Okay... it is not that cold, kind of pleasantly cool, actually. Still, it is obvious he doesn't care about me at all. Perhaps he wants me to know my place, and that I am just a suspicious stranger he needs to keep an eye on.

Commander Yai returns around half an hour later. He has his shirt off, wearing only a drawn-up cloth, water drops shimmering on his chest. He just bathed, apparently. His body is gorgeous, his chest muscular, his back broad and narrowing toward his waist. One of his arms is tattooed from the shoulder to the elbow. He has taken off all his accessories except one ring.

Commander Yai acts like I am just air. He walks to his bed without batting an eye at me. He sets his sword at the head of the mattress before sitting down, closing his eyes, and folding his hands over his chest. He mumbles something, like prayers. I don't know what to do, so I just watch him in silence, not daring to make a sound or breathe too loudly. After praying, Commander Yai snuffs the light and lies down, leaving me clueless in the dark.

A moment later, I muster my courage to ask, "Commander Yai, ah...Can I sleep now?" He answers from the mattress, "Who forces your eyes open?"

I roll my eyes at him in the dark and lie down. Though I want to do more than that, I don't dare. Who would know when I am allowed to do anything? Why would I have the guts to do whatever I want when he is so fierce?! I think in my mind, feeling pent-up. Ferocious like a wild dog with the face of an angel. That is the most fitting definition of him right now.

The night passes with anger fuming in my chest, but I get to sleep longer than the other night. I must be exhausted from the trip. When the morning comes, the first thing I feel is my cloth loosening.

It hasn't slid off to my feet or something like that. The knot on my belly is still tight, but the edges of the fabric at the back have fallen off. Therefore, I am wearing a cloth parting at the front, revealing my fair thighs. I must have rolled around during my sleep or unconsciously pulled it off. My heart jumps. I swiftly turn my head to Commander Yai's mattress and exhale a sigh of relief. Ugh...thank goodness. If he were here, he would behead me for stripping myself.

I get up hastily to fix the cloth, but it is difficult due to the shackles on my wrists and ankles. The attempt is clumsy. I stretch my arms to combine the edges of the fabric so I can tug it behind my back. It doesn't have to be pretty. I just don't want to stand with my cloth parting at the front to show off my thighs. The chain connecting my ankles doesn't cooperate. It keeps getting in the way of me folding the fabric. The edges slip off my grip twice. I swear with rage and restart.

"What are you doing?!" The shout at the entrance startles the hell out of me. I release the edges of the cloth, and they fall around my feet, parting dangerously, making the sight erotic. I am not confident whether it displays art or obscenity.

Commander Yai stares daggers at me and repeats his question in a voice forced out of his throat, "What are you doing?"

"The...The cloth came undone, Commander Yai," I sputter, trying to grab the edges of the fabric on the ground.

"If so, fix it quickly!"

I nod fast, my hands shaking. "I'm trying. Don't rush me, Commander Yai. It's pressuring. Ugh...Why is it so hard?"

Commander Yai clenches his jaw. I don't know if he is mad or what, but it is not a positive feeling for sure. The more I try, the more I fail. I spread my legs as far as the chain allows, stoop a little, then roughly roll the edges of the cloth as fast as possible. However, when I am going to tug it behind my back, the chain seems too short. When I turn to Commander Yai in the hopes that he will lend me a hand, I see him clenching his jaw, his face turning red and green. He must be greatly exasperated.

"How about this, Commander Yai? I will go out and ask Captain Mun to help me." He shoots back, "Are you going to leave my tent with the cloth loosening like that?"

Oh, what am I supposed to do, then? If I can't fix it, I need to find someone who can, right? And he wouldn't offer his help. In the end, the edges drop again. I groan hopelessly, on the verge of tears, and bend down to collect them again. To make it worse, I trip on the hem and fall face-first.

"Ouch!" I cry out, my state indescribably pathetic. Commander Yai presses his lips together in frustration. He steps forward and pulls me back up with one of his hands. Since he uses too much strength out of aggravation, I sway and bump into him, my face hitting his chest.

"Ohh.."I suck in my breath as my nose hurts.

At the second, a voice sounds from the front of the tent and the curtain door is parted.

"Brother, what's happening? I heard the cry from outside."

Commander Yai and turn our heads abruptly. The light seeps in, and a figure is standing tall over there.

..Ohm!

Ohm is astounded. He stares at us, whose bodies stick together. Commander Yai's hand still clutches my upper arm, and my face, close to his chest, is red from the bump. Have I told you my cloth is jerked down and now opened wide, presenting my fair thighs for all to see? As naked as you can imagine.

Ohm rapidly diverts his eyes to Commander Yai's face, his voice coming out croaky.

"Brother...You.."