Duang With You

"Babe, drink some fresh orange juice first. My mom squeezed it this afternoon, and I helped, too. It's in the cooler bag on the back seat. You can grab it yourself," was the first thing Quinn heard when he got into the car. He looks at Duang, who is driving with one hand, whistling along to a cheerful song playing in the car, before turning to flash him a wide smile. And it's that smile again.

 

"You look so refreshed," Duang says.

 

"Do I?" That makes him smile back.

 

"Maybe it's because I get to see you," Quinn replies.

 

"Wow, levelling up your flirting game, huh?"

 

"I've been around so many people today. I'm exhausted."

 

"Aww, poor thing," Duang says, thinking to himself how lucky he is to have the privilege of touching Quinn whenever he wants. But it hasn't always been this way-it's taken a lot of effort and heartache to get here. 

 

He reaches out to ruffle Quinn's hair as Quinn sips the orange juice from the glass bottle. Duang spent ages squeezing that juice, tasting it over and over until his mom scolded him, asking if he ever put that much effort into anything for her.

 

Oops.

Cmon, Mom.

 

"How is it? Okay?" Duang asks.

 

"It's good," Quinn replies.

 

"Really? Be honest, Quinn!"

 

"It's a little salty, but still good," Quinn says, suppressing a smile as Duang turns the car onto the highway toward his home. Duang wants to kiss him so badly-how can he still say it's good even though it's salty? And then, even after admitting it's salty, he still compliments it again. Just wait.

 

"So, how was it? Meeting your old friends?" Duang asks.

 

"It was fine. Everyone's doing well. Most of them just asked if I have a boyfriend now."

 

"And what did you say?"

 

It feels as if a wave of silence sweeps through the car. Everything seems to fade into zero decibels. Duang can't hear anything for a moment, as if his brain has shut down. What is he doing? He's the one who asks, after all.

 

"I said, 'Soon enough,'" Quinn replies.

"..."

 

"Right?" Quinn adds, his eyes sparkling mischievously, clearly teasing. Duang's heart pounds as the answer goes far beyond what he expects. His face flushes, and he lets out an awkward cough, trying to play it cool. He speeds up the car slightly, only to be met with Quinn's soft laughter mocking him.

 

"Why are you so embarrassed?" Quinn teases.

 

"Don't start", Duang mutters.

 

"Oh, now you're running away?"

 

"Hold on, I'm about to crash the car." 

 

Duang snaps, wearing a grey t-shirt and feeling like he wants to hug Quinn tightly, but can't do anything except drive while his heart races as Quinn teases him. They talk about the weather, politics, food, work, dreams, and family.

 

"When I was a kid, I didn't talk much, so I didn't have many friends. Teachers would always report that I didn't socialise. Papa and Mama took me to see a child psychologist, and it turned out my nanny used to tell me to shut up whenever I asked too many questions. They ended up changing nannies a lot back then," Quinn says.

 

"Babe..." Duang calls out softly, feeling a pang in his chest. Why has Quinn gone through so many harsh things? He wishes he'd met him sooner, so he could've protected him from everything. Damn it.

 

"It's okay. It was a long time ago. I'm just sharing," Quinn says.

 

"But now you have lots of friends, and you're great at chatting with me," Duang says.

 

"Yeah, thanks," Quinn replies.

 

"Hmm? Thanks for what?"

 

"For making me a better person, I guess," Quinn says.

"..."

 

"I've started talking more than I ever did before. I've started doing things I never thought I would, doing things for someone else... and now, I'm doing them for you," Quinn says.

 

"Quinn..."

 

"Sometimes I feel like I should apologise for making you wait or for making you answer all my questions," Quinn says.

 

They lock eyes. Long enough to feel the stability floating in the air.

 

"But believe me, I've never been like this with anyone else," Quinn says.

 

Long enough for Duang to know that it's never meaningless.  It always matters. Even if, in the end, Quinn doesn't return his feelings.

 

"I want you to believe in me," Quinn says.

Even if it doesn't end with him and Quinn...

Even if it doesn't end with Duang and him...

 

"And I want you to believe in yourself, too."

Every feeling has always been real...

And it always will be.

 

• · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

 

"Really? That's wonderful! So you've been learning to sing since middle school?"

 

"Yes, but I've been learning piano since I was four," Quinn replies.

 

"Oh my, that's amazing! Duang's dad sent him to learn guitar, hoping he'd look cool like the singers he admired. But Duang came home crying, saying his fingers hurt." 

 

My mom says as I watch her chop vegetables with Quinn helping nearby. It seems like she really likes him, probably because he has multiple musical talents, which my parents find incredibly impressive. At that moment, a pair of warm hands rests on my shoulders, giving a gentle squeeze.

 

"P' Nan, you scared me!" I exclaim.

 

"What are you sneaking around for..? Oh, spying on Mom and your boyfriend? Poor little puppy."

 

"I'm not!" I protest, eyes wide.

 

"Sure, sure."

 

"And stop calling him my boyfriend! Quinn might overthink it. We're not even dating yet," I say.

 

"Alright. Not dating, but you brought him home already," P'Nan says, rolling his eyes as if to mock me. Yeah, when we are, I'll do even more than this. I'd buy a billboard on the expressway to announce it to the whole city. Just watch!

 

"You're pressuring me, Asshole. Ow!"

 

"Be polite, you little shit. Mom tells you every day."

 

"You're not polite either."

 

"Are you arguing with me?" Then P' Nan playfully knocks me on the head with his fist, making me yelp in pain. A few seconds later, Mom scolds him for acting like a kid in front of my friend. I give Quinn a sheepish smile as he frowns at me, silently mouthing for me to sit properly. 

 

In the end, I walk to the dining table with my head hanging low. We don't have a housekeeper because Mom is the one who does the housekeeping. Papa doesn't let her work and wants her to stay home. Whatever she wants to buy or wherever she wants to go, he takes her.

 

"P'Nan," I call.

 

"What?" P'Nan, who is munching on grapes, raises an eyebrow at me.

 

"If you had a wife, would you let her work?"

 

"Depends. If we're in debt, we'd have to pay it off together first. Once it's gone, I'd let her relax," he replies.

 

"Ugh, c'mon."

 

"Not everyone's rich like our dad, letting Mom quit her job to stay home, raise kids, bake, do yoga, blah blah blah."

 

"You're so annoying."

 

"Ha ha. Why are you asking, anyway?" He asks.

 

"I just want Quinn to live comfortably," I say.

 

"Not even dating yet, and you're already thinking about marriage?"

 

"Just thinking!"

 

"And are you sure he'd want to be the bottom? You're the same size, practically identical. He's even manlier than you. You're still whiny and annoying."

 

"Dude, I'm your lil bro!"

 

"You're so loud, bro."

 

I sigh, frustrated with his dream-crushing comments, and sit up straight as the first dish is served. Quinn walks out of the kitchen wearing Mom's cute apron. He places a plate of garlic shrimp on the table, and when our eyes meet, I give him a big smile.

 

"Duang, you're like a puppy," my brother says.

 

"P'Nan!"

 

"The moment you see your owner, your tail starts wagging. Quinn, please bear with him. I feel for you," P' Nan teases.

 

"Sure," Quinn replies.

 

"Hey! Why are you agreeing with him?" I exclaim, almost facepalming as both Quinn and my brother gang up on me. I catch Quinn smiling to himself as I argue with my brother.

 

"Quinn, could you help me taste this?" Mom calls from the kitchen.

 

"Yes, ma'am," Quinn replies.

 

"Babe, if you're tired, don't push yourself," I say.

 

"I'm not tired. I'll be right back," he says before heading to the kitchen, leaving P'Nan and me watching him go. Grab a grape to snack on, and P' Nan speaks up.

 

"Why do you love him so much, Duang?"

 

"I don't know, bro. It hit me like the song by Danupol Kaewkarn- The moment I saw her, I couldn't stop thinking about her."W

 

"Why? What did you think when you first saw him?"

 

"He's so fair-skinned," I say.

 

"And then?"

 

"I liked him a lot. I wanted to be his boyfriend."

 

"Oh, you slut."

 

"Hey, I'm your brother!"

 

"Such a drama queen. No wonder he doesn't want you."

 

"Who says he doesn't? He's here having dinner at our house, isn't he? And I didn't even force him," I shoot back. 

 

"Well, congrats then, you idiot. But don't forget to leave some room for doubt."

 

"It's too late for that, P' Nan," I say, watching Quinn walk back into the room with a steaming bowl of soup. He raises an eyebrow slightly, as if piecing together what I'm saying. But still, I don't want Quinn to know...

 

"You never held back your feelings."

...that there is someone who never holds back when it comes to him.

 

• · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

 

Duang wants to thank the heavens, the rain gods, or whoever is responsible for the unseasonal downpour at 8 PM. Normally, if it rains heavily, Quinn doesn't let him drive anywhere, let alone drive him home. And when Quinn told his mom he could stay over because no one was home at his place, Duang couldn't help but grin so widely.

 

The owner of the dark brown hair opens the door to his bedroom, saying that no one outside of his family has ever been in there before. Quinn is the first.

 

"It'ş a hundred times cleaner than your dorm," Quinn remarks.

 

"Of course it is. Mom loves cleanliness," Duang replies.

 

"I can tell. The house is spotless," Quinn says.

 

"You talk like my mom's future son-in-law."

 

"I'll kick you," Quinn threatens, pretending to aim a kick at him. He picks up a framed photo of Duang as a child, bundled up in winter clothes, grinning in the middle of a snowbank.

 

"This one's from Switzerland. Dad and Mom took me when I was about six or seven. I don't remember anything from the trip. And when I got older, they never took me again because they said I'd already been there. Haha!"

 

"That's adorable," Quinn says.

 

"This one's from when I was learning Taekwondo. But I quit after three days," Duang jokes, reminiscing about his childhood when he rarely stuck with anything for long. Luckily, his parents encouraged him to try lots of different things. If he didn't like something and told them honestly, they never pressured him to continue. Dad always tells him not to waste time on things he doesn't enjoy.

 

There's no need to feel guilty about failing, as long as you're brave enough to try again.

 

"Did you ever learn Taekwondo?" Duang asks.

 

"Red belt," Quinn replies.

 

"Seriously?"

 

"Yeah, I also learned horseback riding."

 

"Oh my god, is there anything you can't do? Maybe just taking care of sick people, huh?" Duang ruffles Quinn's hair as Quinn continues to look around his room, seemingly taking in every detail. Duang finds it endearing.

 

"I've already taken care of you, haven't I? You didn't die, so that's a win."

 

"When I was sick, you were the best," Duang says.

 

"That much?"

 

"You're so attentive. I almost want to get sick six times a month."

 

"Next time, I'll just drop you off at the hospital," Quinn says. The room owner laughs, handing Quinn a set of pyjamas to bathe in and get changed into.

 

"You don't have to wear underwear to bed. I'll wash and dry it for you to wear tomorrow," Duang suggests.

 

"That's dangerous," Quinn replies.

 

"What? I wouldn't touch you unless you let me," Duang says.

 

"You'd touch me even if I didn't let you," Quinn retorts.

 

"Nooo!" Duang drags out the word, his cheeks heating up as he remembers how long it's been since that night when he pinned Quinn to the couch before they ended up showering together...

Nothing like that has happened since, and he hasn't thought about it again until Quinn brings it up.

 

"You're thinking something dirty again," Quinn says.

 

"You started it," Duang replies.

 

"I just mentioned it."

 

"Wanna shower together? Ow! That hurts!:("

 

"Dream on," Quinn says.

 

"That's such a soap opera insult. Where'd you pick that up?" Duang teases.

 

"From watching TV with your Mom earlier," Quinn replies.

 

"Oh my god, you're so cute!" Duang exclaims, leaning in as if to kiss Quinn's cheek. But Quinn dodges and points a finger at him in warning. Quinn wants to remind him that this is his house, with his Mom and brother around, so he can't act like this.

 

"No touching," Quinn warns.

 

"I miss you, though," Duang says.

 

"You already got plenty yesterday in the fitting room," Quinn replies.

 

"There's always room for more. Shower together-it's eco-friendly!"

 

"Come on, have I convinced you yet? Or do I need to beg?"

 

"If I let you shower with me, you have to behave. No funny business," Quinn says.

 

Duang nods eagerly, accepting the terms immediately. As Quinn walks into the bathroom, Duang swallows hard. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. He locks the bedroom door to avoid interruptions, turns off the main lights, leaving only the bedside lamp on, so his mom will think he's already asleep. Now, it's game time. He's mine tonight!

 

"What?" Quinn asks.

"N-nothing."

 

Damn it. I'm getting so flustered. Duang nearly faints when he enters the bathroom and sees Quinn about to take off his pants, his shirt already discarded. Quinn's sharp eyes glance at the floor as he removes his own clothes, tossing them into the laundry basket.

 

Finally, he takes off his underwear, holding his breath as he catches sight of Quinn's bare body under the shower. Steam clings to the glass in the bath area, fogging it up. It makes Quinn look incredibly alluring when he turns to glance at Duang with just a sliver of his face visible. His pale skin flushes red from the hot water, turning even redder when Duang grabs his hips firmly.

 

"Your skin turns red so easily."

 

"Just shower properly," Quinn says.

 

"I am," Duang replies softly, pressing his chest against Quinn's back. He likes that they're the same height because it makes it so easy to kiss Quinn's shoulder, neck, or spine-it all feels just right. They fit together perfectly. Like tectonic plates that have drifted apart and now rejoined. Like a puzzle piece that has been lost and is now found.

 

"Duang, don't bite."

 

"Just a little, babe," Duang says, coaxing him like a child.

 

Quinn lets out a low moan as Duang nibbles and leaves love marks across his back and shoulders. Quinn's face, always captivating to Duang, is dotted with water droplets. Duang presses a kiss to Quinn's lips as they turn to face each other. Both of them are bare.

 

"Hah... that's enough for now," Quinn says.

 

"Just one more kiss."

 

Duang looks at Quinn's slightly swollen lips, confident that his own are in a similar state. Quinn is a great kisser, both a leader and a follower. Duang presses his nose to Quinn's cheek, trailing kisses to the corner of his mouth while his hands roam Quinn's smooth skin absentmindedly.

 

"Please?"

 

Quinn doesn't respond with words. Instead, he pulls Duang in for another kiss, this one more intense than Duang thinks possible. But with Quinn, everything always goes further than he expects. They kiss for so long that Duang has to pull away first. His hot breath lingers on Quinn's skin as their faces remain close. Finally, Duang rests his forehead on Quinn's shoulder and whispers.

 

"I can't take it anymore," Duang says.

..."

 

"Can you... help me?"

 

Quinn wonders if he's too easy to persuade.

 

Maybe he is.

 

"Just with your hand is okay," says Duang.

 

"Let's try."

 

But who can resist that pleading face and soft voice? Who can possibly say no?

 

"Then can we move to the bed? I'll take care of you, too."

 

"You're impossible," Quinn mutters.

"Please?"

Damn it.

 

• · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

 

"Come here, give me a hug," Duang says.

 

"No," Quinn replies.

 

"C'monnnn!"

 

"Go away, it's hot," Quinn says, waving Duang off as he sits shirtless, refusing to give in to Duang's open arms. No hugs, no cuddles, nothing.

 

"You bit me all over. Are you a dog?" Quinn asks.

"Do you like dogs?" Duang teases.

 

"What if I do?"

 

"Then I'll bark for you-woof woof!" Duang says,' lying on the bed, hugging a stuffed animal his mom has bought for him and his brother last year on Children's Day. She says it reminds her of when her two sons were little, not as rebellious, and came home more often. Thinking about it makes Duang smile. Mom, always so sentimental.

 

Click.

"Hey! What are you taking pictures of, Quinn?"

 

"You, lying there hugging a stuffed animal and smiling like a kid who just gave up their bottle," Quinn teases.

 

"Oh, come on! Mom bought it for me!"

 

"Duang, you fucker. Did you have to make a mark this high up?" Quinn says, pointing to a small red love bite on his pale neck. Duang laughs nervously, clasping his hands together in mock prayer and bowing to the bed, apologising three times.

 

"Go to sleep," Quinn says.

 

"Ugh!"

 

"No whining. Move over," Quinn says, nudging Duang with his foot. Today has been too much-he's exhausted from all the chaos caused by this annoying guy.

 

"Your lips are so cute," Duang says.

 

"Do you have a death wish?" Quinn shoots back.

 

"What? I can't even compliment you?"

 

"You're thinking dirty thoughts again," Quinn accuses.

 

"See? That means you're thinking about it, too," Duang teases. Quinn, now wearing Duang's pyjamas, clamps his mouth shut. He can't even look at or touch his own lips without feeling embarrassed. Is this too much? He can't tell anyone about it either. They aren't even dating...Not officially… But they've already done that.

 

"Are you sulking?" Duang asks.

 

"No, I'm just thinking," Quinn replies.

 

"Thinking about what? Can you tell me?" Duang asks, scooting closer and holding Quinn's cold hand under the shared blanket. Quinn's long lashes catch Duang's attention as they blink, and their eyes meet under the dim light of the spacious bedroom.

 

"Should we have sex before dating?" Quinn asks bluntly.

".."

 

"I think it's important. If we date and we're not compatible, it mightn't seem like a big deal, but it could still bother you," Quinn explains.

 

"Qilinnnn!" Duang exclaims, sitting up on the bed and yelling. Damn it. Is he a person or a ruler? How can he be so straightforward?

 

"What?" Quinn asks.

 

"That's way too much! Way too much!"

 

"What? I'm just being honest because I think it's important."

 

"I want to die noooow."

 

"Want me to help with that?" Quinn sighs, watching Duang scream into a pillow. What's the big deal? It's just sex. Quinn has done it before, and he's sure Duang has, too. After everything they've done together, there's no way Duang is still a virgin.

 

"Or have you never done it?" Quinn asks.

 

"I-l have."

 

"And you said you've never dated anyone?"

 

"What about you? Have you?"

"I have," Quinn admits.

 

"With whom? A girl or a guy?"

 

"A girl," Quinn says.

 

"Same here," Duang replies, sounding deflated. Should he say it now? Should he ask directly or not? He loves Quinn enough to accept whatever the answer is. But damn it.

 

"Quinn."

 

"What now?"

 

"I mean... I want to... no, I mean, would you let me... no, do you want me to... Wait..."

 

Quinn watches him, amused by the internal battle playing out in Duang's head. But Duang isn't exactly hard to read. Quinn takes the opportunity to push him down onto the bed, straddling him. This habit of Duang's-being so easy to tease-makes Quinn enjoy messing with him so much.

 

"What? Are you going to let me be your top?" Quinn asks.

 

"Yeah... if you don't want to or if you're scared, I can let you," Duang says.

 

"Really?" Quinn is blowing warm air into Duang's ear playfully. In truth, he pins Duang's hands to the bed not because he wants to dominate him, but simply to mess with him. It's just for fun, watching him squirm and hesitate.

 

"You idiot."

 

"What? I'm being serious here!" Duang protests, holding his breath as Quinn leans in as if to kiss him. No matter how many kisses he gets from Quinn-whether it's a hundred just moments ago or a thousand more now-it's never enough. It's never, ever enough.

 

"I don't like being the one doing it."

"."

 

"It's exhausting."

"W-what..?"

 

"I tried it once, as I told you, and I didn't like it," Quinn says.

 

"Quinn!" Duang exclaims, his face burning as Quinn releases his hands, freeing him.

 

"But I've never tried being on the receiving end either."

 

Duang feels like he's just won the jackpot without even realising it. The kind of prize everyone else would kill for. He pulls Quinn into a tight embrace, pressing him close. Quinn's face nestles into the crook of his neck, and Duang kisses the nape of his neck before whispering that he'll do his best to make it good. Damn it. He's the luckiest guy alive.

 

"Duang, you're such an ass."

 

"I'm nooooot!" Duang drags out the denial, hugging Quinn even tighter to keep him from getting up. He just wants them to be closer, close enough for Quinn to feel exactly how his body is reacting, completely out of his control.

 

"It's hard. Go to the bathroom," Quinn orders.

 

"But you said you'd try!"

 

"I said it, but I didn't mean I'd actually do it."

 

"You dream-crusher!"

 

"Get up," Quinn says firmly, trying to push Duang off him as Duang clings to him like a stubborn octopus.

 

"Nooo!"

 

"You just came a moment ago, and now you're ready to go again?" Quinn asks.

 

"Yeah, I came in your mouth, too-ow!" 

 

Duang yelps as Quinn smacks him hard on the chest, then his shoulder, before grabbing his cheeks roughly. Quinn scolds him for being such a pervert, leaving Duang no choice but to sulk his way off the bed and into the bathroom. Before he leaves, he glances back at Quinn, who is now lying under the blanket, and asks in a small voice.

 

"You're really not going to help me?"

 

"I'm going to sleep."

 

"Just your hand?"

 

"Don't you have your own hands, Duang?"

 

"But your hands are softer."

 

"You've managed on your own before. Do it yourself."

 

"You're so cold!"

 

"Stop yelling. I'm trying to sleep."

 

"Qiiinnnn!"

 

Duang huffs and puffs in frustration as Quinn tightens the blanket around himself and flips him off from under the covers. And there it is-the ultimate fate of someone who loves Quinn too much. 

 

Duang is now stuck thinking about Quinn's naked body while taking care of himself in the bathroom, all while Quinn sleeps peacefully just outside.

Damn it. What a loser you are, Duang. :