Duang With You

"Aren't flowers too basic?"

 

"Then what do you want? A gift basket, you idiot?" Jettana snaps at his best friend. They've been brainstorming all week about what to give Quinn after his music performance tomorrow, which feels like a mini-exam for them. The stress is driving them insane, and every suggestion Jet makes gets shot down.

 

"He doesn't like flowers."

 

"Then I don't know anymore, you moron."

 

"You're so rude. Like spitting in other people's food is rude"

 

"That's a creative one."

 

"You're the one who taught me all this. My head hurts."

 

"My head hurts more than yours. Every idea I suggest gets rejected. I'm done."

 

Duang wants to die. Asking Jettana for advice is always useless. And where the hell is Pae? He's been leaving Duang alone with Jettana almost every day.

 

"What if I take a picture of him singing and give it to him as a gift?"

 

"That could work. You're into film photography anyway. He might like it."

 

"But he's not the type to post pictures."

 

"Then he won't post it. He'll just keep it for himself."

 

"Alright, I'll take the picture, give him the film, and casually suggest we get it developed at Siam."

 

"What the hell? Siam? You're in Nakhon Pathom. There are plenty of places to develop films here."

 

"I'm tired of the usual spots. I want to walk around Paragon."

 

"I swear, I'm going to smack you. Like this! Ugh!" Jettana mimics the move, punching his own hand.

 

Jettana might be from Bangkok, but he doesn't go out much. Meanwhile, Duang is a rich kid from Thonglor, and Quinn is also from Bangkok, having attended a prestigious all-boys school. That's it!

 

"Dude."

 

"What?"

 

"Have you ever run into Mr Quinn before? Your school is a member of Jaturamitr, just like his."

 

"Oh, right." Duang's eyes widened.

 

"You're so clueless. Never met him, huh?"

 

"Never. If I had, I'd remember. I only met him once at an open house event, and I decided to study here because of that." Jettana shakes his head. These people who choose schools based on guys, seriously!!!

 

"When I saw him again during the welcoming ceremony, my heart melted, Jet. He's so cute."

 

"He's handsome. Open your eyes. He's ridiculously handsome."

 

"I know, I know. But he's cute... on the inside."

 

"Gross!" The taller guy shakes his head furiously. "Not that kind of inside, you idiot!" God, talking to this moron gives me a migraine. I want to cry.

 

"So, we're going with the photo idea, right?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Good. Problem solved. You've been annoying me all day, asking for advice and rejecting everything."

 

"Will you accept my apology?"

 

"I won't. People like you are called 'bitch."

 

"You sound so gay." Duang sighs. It's come to this-the point where his friend might finally come out.

 

"I am."

 

"Right? It's fine, dude. We live in a modern society now."

 

"I could be your top, though. That's all I'm saying." Jettana shoves Duang's head with all his strength before storming off to find something to eat. Talking to Duang is pointless. That hopeless romantic! All he ever thinks about is Quinn. Unbelievable.

 

"Duang!"

"Pae! Where the hell have you been?"

 

"I had some errands. Where's Jettana?"

 

"He left."

 

"Oh, okay. By the way, I just passed by xxx and saw the jazz students setting up the stage."

 

"What? Quinn didn't tell me."

 

"He's probably busy. I saw him carrying speakers, but didn't have time to say hi."

 

"I'm heading over. Gotta help my boyfriend."

 

"Dude, you're not even his boyfriend yet, but your heart has already thought you are."

 

"You sound just like Jettana. I'm done talking to you."

 

Pae shakes his head, watching Duang stomp off to his car. Love always seems to fuel this guy, the number one hopeless romantic of Nakhon Pathom.

 

"Oh, when did you get here?"

 

"Just got here. Duang left to see Mr Quinn."

 

"Like a dog, loyal to only one owner."

"True."

 

"So annoying."

 

"What did you do to him?"

 

*Just messed with him. I've been updating my insult vocabulary. Spent too much time online."

 

"Sigh. For heaven's sake." Pae sighs, watching his friend's white car drive away from the faculty. What else can you expect from a hopeless romantic?

 

 ════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

A white Mazda comes to a stop in front of the Faculty of Music. Duang can't decide which film to use. He plans to start taking candid shots of Quinn while he's setting up the stage, pretending it's just to capture the atmosphere for a drawing project. He isn't sure if Quinn will buy the excuse, though, since he's notoriously bad at lying.

 

The white student shirt flutters in the wind as Duang's sharp eyes scan the canopy of trees that obscure the wide sky. This is what he loves about Quinn's faculty. It doesn't take long to reach the area where Pae mentioned the jazz kids are setting up. The first person he sees is Quinn, not because he's so pale, but because Duang's eyes seem to naturally lock onto him.

 

Duang chuckles softly to himself when he sees Quinn kicking at a friend in frustration. A moment later, Quinn's gaze shifts toward him as his friends start talking about Mr Lovebug, a nickname that sounds utterly hideous but is apparently what Quinn's friends call him. All Duang can do is laugh along.

 

"What brings you here, Duang?"

 

"Why are you here? Give me an answer that'll make me happy."

 

"What kind of answer are you expecting?" Duang teases Quinn's large group of friends in return.

 

"Enough."

 

"Oh, come on. I was hoping for something like 'the wind of love brought me here."

"Get back to work. It's so hot." Quinn says this before turning to look at Duang, raising an eyebrow as if to ask why he's smiling so much. Quinn's eyes then shift to the Contax T2 camera in Duang's hand, his curiosity growing.

 

"No pictures."

 

"What? I'm not taking pictures of you."

 

"Don't let me catch you."

 

"Of course not: But, but, but.. I'm not taking pictures of you. I'm just capturing the atmosphere for a project."

 

Duang watches as Quinn nods in acknowledgement before turning back to his friends to discuss where to set up the equipment. Duang stands at a slight distance, snapping photos of Quinn and the surroundings. The overall composition looks great.

 

Through the camera, Duang watches Quinn pick up a bass and plug it into a speaker to test the sound. He notices the beautiful veins running along Quinn's arms and hands as he begins to play a simple tune. Quinn's long bangs fall over his face, and his slightly wrinkled shirt somehow adds to his charm, especially when bathed in the golden light of the setting sun.

 

Duang slips the camera back into his pocket. He needs to save the rest of the film for tomorrow. Taking too many pictures now might get him caught, and that would be a disaster.

 

"Are you hungry?"

 

"Not yet, babe."

 

Quinn bites his lip, glancing between the work he has to finish and the person waiting to have dinner with him. He doesn't like waiting or making others wait, yet he wants Duang to stay close. I'm getting spoiled.

 

"Are you bored?"

 

"Not at all. Is there anything I can help with?"

 

"No, just need to check the cables and lights. About thirty more minutes."

"I can wait. Don't overthink it."

 

"Then stay close... I'm so tired." It's rare to see Quinn act this way, but it's understandable. Duang has seen how hard Quinn has been working for weeks to prepare for this. He wants to reach out and ruffle Quinn's soft hair to comfort him, but he knows Quinn doesn't like being touched in front of others. Instead, he reaches out and gently holds Quinn's index and middle fingers, smiling.

 

"Feel better, okay?"

"..."

 

"Let's go eat something delicious afterwards."

 

Duang has heard stories of people climbing entire mountains just to see a single smile. If on the other side of a wall, there is Quinn's faint smile, he thinks it's never a waste of time to give everything he has to cross over. Quinn isn't a prize. To Duang, Quinn has never been a prize.

 

"Just hang in there a little longer, okay, my good boy."

 

Quinn is a gift. A precious gift that Duang knows he has to cherish with all his heart.

 

 ════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

They say the odds of someone you like liking you back are 1 in 100. So, what are the odds of that person throwing themselves into your arms and staying there silently for almost half an hour?

 

The room isn't silent. As soon as they enter, Quinn turns on the speaker in the middle of the room. Now, the room holds just the two of them, wrapped in a quiet embrace. Quinn disappears into the shower for nearly twenty minutes, emerging with damp hair and an oversized pyjama set. Duang is about to ask if Quinn wants warm milk so he can heat some up, but instead, Quinn collapses into his arms like someone completely drained.

 

Duang instinctively presses his nose into Quinn's slightly drying hair. It's impossible to resist. It feels like his favourite cake, the last piece in the world, is placed right in front of him. And, God, he hopes Quinn won't mind the sound of his heart pounding too loudly as Quinn rests his face against his chest like this.

 

"Quinn."

 

"Hmm." The drowsy voice replies.

 

Duang simply tightens his embrace, pulling Quinn's slender frame closer. Quinn is thinner than he imagines, thinner than he looks when he takes off his shirt. It makes Duang feel so protective that he wants to hold him tighter, but he's afraid of making Quinn uncomfortable.

 

"Do you want to talk about anything? I can listen."

 

"Just tired."

 

"Then, do you want anything?"

 

"Sing me a song."

 

"Babe... That's a no-go." Duang holds his breath as Quinn looks up at him. Even though their builds aren't that different, Quinn always seems small to him, like a kitten or a puppy. 

 

No matter what anyone says, Duang has always seen Quinn as a little kid with the height barely reaching his waist. Duang wants to tease Quinn until he cries, but he guesses the one who'd end up crying would probably be himself. Either getting punched or getting kicked. Seriously.

 

"Hurry up."

 

“There's actually one song like listening to, but I've never dared to send it to you or even add it to the playlist."

 

"Why not?"

 

"Because it's embarrassing."

 

"You? Embarrassed?"

 

"I get embarrassed around you all the time. You never notice?"

 

"Are you going to sing or not?"

 

Duang scrunches his neck as Quinn rests his chin on his shoulder. It's all so awkward and tickling, but not uncomfortable. Actually, this is their first real hug, if you don't count the times they accidentally hugged while sleeping. Whoever wakes up first knows, but neither of them ever mentions it. because it's too embarrassing.

 

Just like that song that says, 'Don't be surprised that my heart is still racing for you.'

 

Yeah, don't be surprised.

 

"Are you serious?"

 

"Stop stalling."

 

"Ahem."

 

Quinn presses his chin harder into Duang's shoulder, making him yelp from the ticklish sensation. It's not stalling; Duang is just nervous. His ears are completely red, giving him away.

 

"This world, no matter how cruel it may be

It may not be bright, but dark and gloomy.”

 

Quinn hides his face in the crook of Duang's neck because he can't stop smiling. Duang's voice is as bad as he warned, off-key and all over the place. But Quinn's heart pounds so hard it makes him mad at himself. All he can do is snuggle closer to the warm body of the person singing to him, unsure of what else to do.

 

"I've been through so much, faced so many things that made me sad, but it's okay, not a big deal at all."

 

It's a song he hasn't heard in ages. A song he knew was beautiful, but never really meant much to him. Until Duang gives it to him, weaving meaning into it.

 

"As long as I have you, just you. That's enough. I don't need anything more."

In his heart.

 

"As long as it's just you and me. Just the two of us, that's more than enough."

And just like the song says, that's all he needs.

 

"Feeling better now?"

"Almost."

 

"I can't sing another song, babe. I'm dying of embarrassment here."

 

Quinn thinks that if relationships are like planting a tree, he needs to add some fertiliser to help it grow and bloom. And he believes Duang deserves everything.

 

"You troublemaker. That's what I'm calling you from now on. You're all kinds of trouble."

 

If the chance of someone you like liking you back is 1 in 100… What are the odds of that person kissing you first?

As long as I have you...

Just you.

 

That's the part of the song by Scrubb playing in his head as Quinn leans in and presses his lips against his. Soft lips linger on his, moving slowly, like when he sketches a butterfly on thick paper. The first colour he'd paint would probably be blue because when he closes his eyes, that's the first colour he sees in his mind.

 

Quinn's kiss is colder than zero degrees. While Duang's heart melts into liquid, Quinn somehow reshapes it, making it beat strongly again and again. Duang tightens his hold around Quinn's waist, his chest overflowing with happiness as Quinn climbs onto his lap in a precarious position.

 

"Don't bite."

 

"Sorry."

 

Duang apologises after accidentally biting Quinn's lip during the kiss. He can't help it. Well, who tells him to be this cute? But whatever. Duang isn't going to waste a single second on this overwhelming feeling that makes his heart race. How many more minutes can this moment last? That's why he doesn't hesitate to press his lips against Quinn's again, cutting off whatever he's about to say.

 

"Mmm." Quinn lets out a soft moan from the kiss. It's too intense... Duang's playful tongue makes his head spin. He never thinks Duang would be this good at kissing or this quick with his hands. Maybe it's because he never plans what might happen between them next. Between the two of them.

 

"Babe... stop."

Warm hands press against Quinn's waist to stop him from moving. Quinn can't control himself; Duang's kiss makes him restless. The hardness pressing against him through Duang's jeans makes him understand exactly what 'stop' means.

 

They both pant heavily, enough to send the butterflies flying away. But Quinn knows they'll come back again.

 

"Hold on."

 

"If I get through today, I'll reach enlightenment," Duang mutters, his face burning as Quinn laughs with squinted eyes, their faces still so close that a slight movement would let him press his nose against Quinn's cheek. Thoughts race through his mind, one of them being to pin Quinn down on the couch. But no, not now.

 

"Good boy."

To Duang, Sin is worth so much more than that.

 

 ════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

"What's wrong with you? This is your favourite restaurant. Come on." Jettana wants to pour cold water on Duang, who's eating like a picky cat and flinching every time Quinn glances at him, acting all flustered.

 

"Duang, what's up? Just say it straight."

 

"I'm fine."

 

"You're not fine. You're acting weird."

" "

Quinn watches as Duang avoids his gaze, only to have Jettana pressure him further. Duang pouts in Quinn's direction, silently blaming him for his current state. So dramatic.

 

"Would you mind if I inquire you about something, Mr Quinn? What happened to him?"

 

"Nothing."

 

Duang already knows Quinn won't talk about the kiss. It's way too personal. And Duang isn't about to bring it up either. How could he? The awkwardness he feels is entirely because of that kiss. It's not easy to sit here and keep his composure when he feels so...uncomfortable.

 

And by uncomfortable, he means down there.

DOWN THERE. 

 

"Alright then, if you're having a fight, make up quickly. Duang's acting like someone who got played and dumped."

 

"Watch your mouth, Jet."

 

"Am I wrong? You're acting the part perfectly."

 

"..."

"Or maybe!!" Jettana's voice rises dramatically. Quinn chuckles at his wild imagination as he points at Quinn, then at Duang, his eyes wide. Taking advantage of the chaos, Quinn slips a shrimp dumpling into Duang's noodle bowl, earning a shy smile that makes Duang look like a little kid in Quinn's eyes.

 

"Duang is the bottom!"

 

"Shut up, Jet."

 

"You're acting so suspicious. Everyone can see it."

 

"Ugh, can you eat properly for one day? I regret running into you outside Quinn's dorm."

 

"Even if no one invited me, seeing you both eating together, I'd still come!"

 

Honestly, it's exhausting. Who knows what gets into Jettana to make him this hyped? Duang massages his temples and quietly eats his shrimp dumpling noodles, knowing that arguing with Jettana is a waste of time. And when Duang goes quiet, Jettana turns his attention to Quinn instead.

 

"Mr Quinn, are you excited? Tomorrow's a big day."

 

"Not exactly excited, more nervous."

 

"You'll do great. What time is your band performing?"

 

"Six in the evening."

 

"I'll be there for sure. What songs are you performing? Can you tell me?"

 

Quinn nods and replies, "My Cherie Amour.' The others are doing a jazz version. I'm singing it with another female friend. The other song is jazz-pop. I chose it myself. The original is sung by a woman. It's called 'Cup of Tea."

 

Duang smiles to himself. He loves hearing Quinn talk about music because he goes on and on with so much passion. Duang can hardly wait for tomorrow. It's the first time he will see Quinn perform seriously on stage. His amazing Quinn.

 

"The last song is by Tom Misch. I chose it because it has a groove. The audience can sway along. The charm of jazz is in its improvisation and the imagination of the musicians and singers at that moment, seeing how far they can take it. It's exciting and keeps you on edge, wondering what's next."

 

"I want you to wife me up."

 

"Whoa, whoa." Quinn laughs softly as Jettana rests his chin on his hand, staring dreamily at him. But it doesn't take long before Duang smacks Jettana on the head, and the bickering starts all over again.

 

The meal ends in chaos, with the two of them arguing nonstop. Quinn simply follows behind Duang, who grabs his wrist as if afraid he'll get lost, all while still scolding Jettana.

 

"I'm not scared of you, Duang."

 

"Stay away from Quinn."

 

"You can compete with me for anything, but not the matter of the heart."

 

"Quinn, he bullied me!"

 

The number one drama king. Quinn shakes his head, exasperated at the childish antics. Before he knows it, they reach the dorm. It takes some effort to finally part ways with Jettana, who seems to enjoy riling Duang up. And Duang, for some reason, can't handle even the slightest teasing.

 

"Jettana was just joking."

"Well, there is only one you in the world, so of course I'm possessive of you."

 

"You're not shy about saying that, huh?" Quinn teases as Duang presses the elevator button. Duang turns to look at him, his ears red, before quickly looking away, still flustered from that kiss.

 

"Maybe I should do it again. It might help you recover. You're so out of it."

 

"You! How can you say that? I'm dying here!"

 

"You're such a rookie. All talk and no action."

 

"But when I kissed you, you felt good, too, didn't you?"

"..."

 

"Well? What do you say? Or do you want something better than a kiss?"

 

Quinn finds himself cornered in the elevator. Thank God no one else is inside. Even with the security camera, the shameless Duang doesn't stop teasing him. Now, Quinn truly understands what it means to be completely flustered. What did he mean by 'better than a kiss'? Damn it.

 

"Step back."

"You're embarrassed, too, I can tell."

 

"You're being inappropriate. We're in an elevator."

 

"So, that means I can do it in the room, right?"

 

"You're impossible," Quinn clenches his fists tightly. Familiarity breeds contempt. He shouldn't play along. Now Duang's getting too bold.

 

"Let's go brush our teeth."

 

The room's owner glances at the man in his pyjamas. Duang has already showered but still drags himself out for a late-night snack with Quinn. It's become a routine for them to come back and brush their teeth together like this. Quinn takes the toothpaste from Duang, who is about to put the toothbrush in his mouth, and thinks to himself: How can I make sure it's always the two of us standing here, seeing our reflection in the mirror together like this? What do I have to do?

 

"Quinn, focus on brushing properly," Duang scolds.

 

"Nagging again."

 

"I'll grab the toothbrush and do it for you if you're lazy."

 

What do I have to do to keep us together for a long time, when I'm not good at holding onto anything?

 

"Duang."

 

"Yes?"

 

"Do you want me to change anything... I mean, if it'd make things better between us?"

 

Duang frowns, the cool minty taste in his mouth suddenly shifting as he responds hesitantly... They say words are often the source of misunderstandings.

 

"So, are things not good now?"

 

Quinn realises that wanting to stay together for a long time might start with opening up about things that feel too shameful or awkward to say, whether because of pride or age. But if they can get past this...it'll be better than before.

 

"That's not what I mean."

".."

 

"I just suddenly think about how bad it'd be if one day you weren't here anymore. And I wonder what I can do to keep you around for a long time."

 

"You'll always have me," Duang replies.

 

Quinn looks down at the bathroom floor, feeling more vulnerable than usual. Maybe it's because of work, or maybe it's because their relationship is moving forward, but his heart still worries about the day it might hurt. No matter how good things seem, the truth is, pain will come. They'll stumble. They'll make mistakes.

 

"I can't guarantee that everything will always be perfect," Duang admits. They'll have to grow.

"But I can guarantee that you'll always have me... no matter how bad things get, I'll still be here with you."

 

"Yeah."

 

"Does that make you feel better?"

 

"It does. What about you?" Quinn asks.

 

Some people smile when asked simple questions like this because it shows the other person cares about them. Even though Quinn often comes across as stiff, Duang knows deep down that it's special. Very special.

 

"Of course. I've been okay since the day you told me, 'Well, good luck with that, then.’

 

"You still remember that?" Quinn, dressed in his favourite pyjamas, grumbles lazily before finally starting to brush his teeth.

 

"I remember everything about you. Honestly, I was so scared that day."

 

"That was you scared?"

 

"I practised in front of the mirror for a month."

 

"What made you like me so much?" Duang laughs, his tone playful.

 

"Yeah, I don't even know why I like you this much."

 

"Actually... I think I might understand you now."

 

With his brown hair and mischievous eyes, Quinn glances at Duang through the mirror. Their pinky fingers lightly touch under the dim bathroom light, where two tall men stand brushing their teeth together, just like every other day.

 

"Because I ask myself the same thing every day."

 

"..

"What made me like you this much?"