Duang With You

I stand watching Quinn as he tries out the bass on stage. He tucks his long hair behind his ear, wearing my dark grey t-shirt, which looks ridiculously cute on him. I smile softly at him.

 

Today is a big day for Quinn, too. He's rehearsing for tomorrow's performance, a major event for the faculty. Honestly, I'm a bit confused about why a vocal major like him is playing bass in a freshman band. He doesn't know either. Quinn is the kind of person who says yes to anything music-related without hesitation. I feel happy for him, though, because he gets to do what he loves. Actually, he also sings one song, but he's already rehearsed with another band earlier this afternoon. That's my talented guy.

 

"'Cool With It' is the first song, then Knots.' Here, we've got second-year P' Prae coming in to sing. We'll finish with 'Deep.' Quinn, you can step down after that and save your energy for Pae's band."

 

My adorable Quinn nods. He raises his eyebrows at me playfully before casually strumming the bass to some song I don't recognise. He's born to be on stage, I swear. Whether it's with any instrument or when he sings, he seems like he's

made for it. When he sings, it's like the whole atmosphere becomes a dream, captivating everyone around. Damn it. I'm so possessive of him.

 

"You're staring at him like a lovesick puppy."

 

"Wait, how did you even get in here?"

 

"I hooked up with the door girl once, so I just slipped in, no big deal."

 

"Seriously? With Quinn's yearmate Yam?"

 

"Dead serious."

 

"When did that even happen? Come on, Jet."

 

"I told you, I'm not Mr Hopeless Romantic. I'm Mr Casanova."

 

I shake my head in exasperation as Jettana plops onto a high stool next to me, watching Quinn and the band as they start playing more seriously.

 

"One hair flip, and I'm dead."

 

"That's why he keeps his hair long, you know."

 

"So he can tie my heart with it."

 

"Duang, stop with the shitty jokes. Do you love me? If you do, stop it."

 

"You're the worst," I mutter, smacking him lightly, but he doesn't care. We both keep our eyes on Quinn. Then Jettana leans over and whispers in my ear about how hot the drummer is, so I smack him again. Confession time-I'm not looking at anyone else. Just Quinn. I feel guilty for ignoring the singer. 

 

"The drummer, though..."

 

"Calm down. That's a guy? Are you into guys, too?"

 

"I'm into everyone. I'm Mr Casanova, remember?"

 

"Alright, alright, Mr Casanova." I laugh in disbelief. I never really meddle in Jettana's sex life, but I know he's all about having fun. He's raised like an American kid, after all.

 

"Are you part Caucasian or something?"

 

"My stepdad's American. Why?"

 

"Seriously?"

 

"What, I never told you?"

 

"Never, you idiot."

 

"And my name isn't even Jet."

 

"What the hell?"

 

I turn to him, wide-eyed. He raises an eyebrow and pats my cheek lightly.

 

"My name's Jettana, but you guys just started calling me Jet."

 

"Then what's your real nickname if it's not Jet?"

 

"If I were you, I wouldn't ask. Manners, please."

 

"Fuck you." I start bickering with him, and by the time the second song starts, he still hasn't told me his nickname. Could it be true? Now that I think about it, he never calls himself Jet. Even during the freshman welcoming ceremony, the seniors wrote 'Jettana' on his name tag because his first name is so cool.

 

My head hurts.

What the hell is my friend's name?

 

"What's your name? Give me a hint."

 

"Two syllables."

 

"That's too hard. What does it start with?"

 

"Not telling, you idiot. If you want to know, ask my mom."

 

"Fine. Don't let me meet her then."

 

"You won't, unless you're my date. Then I'll take you home."

 

"Gross."

 

"Same. Just thinking about fucking you makes my integument crawl."

 

"Integument?"

 

"Don't know what it means? You stupid ass."

 

"Fuck off." I always tell him to stop learning stuff from the internet. His language is getting out of hand. Whenever he gets into some funny trend, he repeats it endlessly, memorising it like a script. I have no idea why he does it. Will someone like him ever get a girlfriend? Honestly.

 

"Mr Quinn's so fair-skinned, though."

 

"You're crossing the line now."

 

"Just a compliment. Fine, I'll change it."

 

"To what?"

 

"I like him a lot. I want to be his husband."

 

"Hey! That's my line!"

 

"If you're so possessive of it, go trademark it. You're ridiculous."

 

"Why are you saying it like it's my fault? But it doesn't matter. He's mine." 

 

I playfully punch him, and he makes a silly face, calling me a show-off. But come on, let me have this. I can't say it in front of Quinn, so I'll say it in front of Pae and Jet instead. Seriously.

 

"Wow, they're playing old songs too."

 

"I've never heard any of these."

 

"That's because you don't listen to many English songs."

 

"True, but since being with Quinn, I've been listening to a lot more."

 

"Well, he studies music."

 

"Yeah. By the way, I just secretly bought a camera and got an earful for it."

 

Yeah, I shouldn't have had it delivered to Quinn's dorm. I should've sent it to mine and pretended to bring it from home. But no, Quinn opened the package with Khonfu on his lap. He almost stabbed me with the scissors that day. He spent money like crazy, and barely got to spend it on anything. You already have one like this, just in silver colour.'

 

Can I cry?

His memory is too good. I want to die right there.

 

"I'm not talking to you, you boyfriend-respecting man."

 

"If I ever see you in a relationship and be like me, I'll mock you until I die and carve it on a stone for others to mock you, too."

"Never happening."

 

"Mr Casanova, huh?"

 

"Exactly."

 

"They're done."

 

"Good. Let's go. I'm starving."

 

"Who said you're eating with us?"

 

"You'll see... Mr Quinn, darling!"

 

"You fucker," I mutter as he runs to Quinn, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on his chest, giving me a smug look like a mistress. I roll my eyes. Fine, whatever. When Quinn's not looking, I'm going to smack him dead.

 

"Did you wait long?" Quinn asks.

 

"Not at all."

 

"How did Jettana get in? Did he say he's your friend?"

 

"Nope. They just let me in," says Jet.

 

Bulishit. I hate how he acts all innocent in front of Quinn. Why not tell him the same thing you told me, you jerk? about hooking up with the door girl? I glare at him, but when Quinn reaches out to hold my hand and asks sweetly where we should have dinner. My mood flips instantly like 1 have bipolar disorder.

 

"What do you feel like eating, babe?"

 

"Wow, your voice gets so sweet."

 

"Mind your business, Jet."

 

"Oh, Duang is bullying me."

 

"Talk nicely, you two.. I feel like crab fried rice."

I nod and wrap my arm around his waist, leading him to his favourite seafood restaurant. Jet follows a few steps behind, seemingly on the phone with his mom. I stop walking because I want to hear what he calls himself with his mom....If he uses his nickname, I finally know.

 

"What are you doing, sneaking around?"

 

"Did you know Jet's nickname isn't actually "Jet"?"

 

"Of course."

 

Why?

Wait, wait, wait. How did you know?

 

"Jettana told me."

 

I turn to look at Jet, who is still on the phone with his mom, speaking fluent English. Seriously, we've been friends for a year. How did I not know he could speak English this well? Is he some kind of undercover spy or something?

 

"So, what's Jettana's nickname?"

 

"I can't tell."

 

"Qililin!"

 

"I promised Jettana I wouldn't tell anyone."

 

"Then why did he tell you?"

 

"I overheard him talking to his mom and using his nickname. If you're not paying attention, you wouldn't catch it. So I asked, 'Whose name is that?' and Jettana said, It's my nickname."

 

"You didn't know?"

 

"Not at all. I always thought his nickname was Jet, short for Jettana."

 

"Ridiculous." Quinn reaches into my pocket and takes my car keys. I stand there, arms crossed, watching Jet laugh while talking to his mom. He really sounds like a native, I swear. When he hangs up and sees my accusing glare, he snaps at me.

 

"What? Why are you staring at me like that? Huh? Huh?"

"Did you tell my boyfriend your real nickname?"

 

I tell anyone who's fair-skinned. Sometimes I'm easy like that."

 

"You idiot."

 

"But I'm not telling you, Pae, or anyone else. Let them wonder. Makes me mysterious and charming. Gotta keep the character alive."

 

"Fine, whatever. I'll figure it out myself."

 

"Go ahead."

 

He struts to my car. At least he doesn't annoy me by sitting in the front seat. Otherwise, we'd be fighting again, and Quinn would get a headache. Damn it.

 

"Babe, can you grab me the size zero paintbrush?" Duang asks.

 

Quinn nods, walking over to hand Duang the brush. Ever since they got back from the restaurant, Duang hasn't stopped painting. It's his final project before the

break. The canvas is massive, and Quinn can't make out what it's supposed to be. He figures he'll ask Duang later, as he doesn't want to interrupt him now.

 

"Babe, can you grab me the blue paint? Lapis-no, no, cobalt instead."

 

"Quinn?"

 

"Duang, what's lapis?"

 

Duang wants to bite his tongue when he turns to see Quinn sitting on the bed, flipping through a book with a confused look. Even Khonfu seems puzzled, probably wondering why her papa is being so clueless.

 

Duang shakes his head with a small smile, exasperated by Quinn's unintentional adorableness. He walks over, kisses Quinn's cheek hard, and presses his nose against Khonfu's fluffy head before going to grab the paint himself.

 

"Don't stay up too late, okay?"

 

"Are you going to bed already?"

 

"Not yet, but I'll probably sleep before you do... right? And you, little one, keep an eye on Papa, okay? If he sleeps in, wake him up."

 

Quinn then turns to have a full-on conversation with the dog. Watching him play with Khonfu on the bed, Duang can't help but smile. Working doesn't feel tiring at all when his life is this happy. How is it even possible to be this content?

 

"Duang."

 

"Yes?"

 

"Happy anniversary."

 

Duang just realises... happiness and love can be this simple.

 

"Is it already midnight?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"I don't want to work anymore. I just want to cuddle you in bed."

 

"Come here, then."

 

"Quinn," Duag scolds the person who never fails to make him smile. Like he's said before, he loves Quinn just as much as he did the first day he fell for him-and even more every day. So much so that he can't even define it anymore. The love overwhelms him.

 

"The project isn't even due tomorrow," says Quinn

 

"Are you inviting me?"

 

"Can't I?"

 

"Come and get me."

 

Duang already knows he's going to have a hard time holding himself back. Every time Quinn teases him, it always ends with someone getting hurt-usually Quinn. Duang can't stop himself from biting him wherever he can think of. And now, Quinn is tossing his sleep shirt onto the floor and letting Khonfu hop back onto her bed. Quinn has no idea what's coming for him.

 

"Quinn, you have a performance tomorrow."

 

"Do you even know what vanilla sex is? Not everything has to go full throttle all the time. And just one round is enough."

 

"Try being me for once. When I go easy, you tell me to go harder. I'm at my limit here." The taller man crawls over, pinning Quinn beneath him. Duang wants to cuddle Quinn every day, but on days when they have early classes, Duang worries Quinn won't be able to wake up. Even though he's the one who gets exhausted, he always wakes up fully recharged.

 

"Nope... too tired."

 

"You're such a tease. Do you even realise it?"

 

"I haven't even done anything."

 

"My dick is already hard."

 

"Fuck you."

 

"Oh, who's using bad language now?" 

 

Duang's warm lips press against Quinn's, deepening into a heated kiss as his tongue slips in when he parts his lips to welcome him. They kiss for a long while, and before Duang knows it, Quinn has pulled his t-shirt off with his full cooperation as he lifts his arms to help him.

 

"Quinn."

 

"Hmm?"

 

"Thank you for choosing me."

 

"I should be the one saying that."

 

They lock eyes long enough to realise that falling in love is a journey far from over. They haven't even reached halfway. There's still so much more love to give, so much that no one could ever imagine.

 

"Thank you for choosing me," says Quinn.

"It's my pleasure."

 

Duang presses his nose against Quinn's cheek, his hand sliding down to grab his hip before slipping under his short boxers. The loose fit lets Duang reach deeper, making Quinn squirm slightly. Leaning close, Duang whispers into Quinn's ear, 

 

"Now, lift your hips."

 

"Vanilla sex? I can give you that."

 

Quinn's heart races.

Quinn loves Duang in so many aspects.

 

"But as for just one round.."

 

Then again, Quinn really loves Duang in every aspect of him.

 

"No promises."

 

He loves every version of Duang.

 

 ════[changbins_delulu_wife]════

 

Indeed, beer isn't allowed on campus, but trust me, sneaking it in isn't hard at all, especially at a music event like this. I'm wearing an oversized light blue polo shirt that Quinn bought last month. He wore it just once before giving it to me. We share clothes so often that everyone around us knows and teases us about it. The only thing we don't share is shoes since my size is one size bigger than his. Otherwise, I'd wear his too. His shoes cost more than my life.

 

"Duang, can I take a picture with you?"

 

"Oh, sure." I nod, and Jettana stops to wait, giving me a look that says, 'I'm keeping an eye on you. You do something suspicious, and I'll tell your boyfriend,' But he'll never get the chance. I'm always careful. 

 

I stand with my hands behind my back, leaning slightly to match her height but keeping a respectful distance. I give a small smile, and once she's done taking the picture, she thanks me.

 

"So... um, didn't you come with Quinn?"

"He's backstage. He's performing at 7:30. You should check it out."

 

"Oh, thank you!" She smiles brightly and walks away, her face a little red.

 

"Dude, she doesn't like you. She likes Quinn, but he's not here."

 

"Fuck you."

 

"He has you as his boyfriend, but for the 'girlfriend' status, well, that's up for grabs."

 

"I'm seriously going to punch you, Jet."

 

"Just kidding! Geez." He flinches dramatically as I raise my hand. Then it's his turn to have someone ask for a picture. Being the single guy he is, he casually puts an arm around her and flashes a charming smile. The prettier they are, the more obvious his interest becomes. For heaven's sake.

 

"You know, I really want you to get a girlfriend."

 

"Ugh, why does everyone keep saying that? You, Pae, all our other friends."

 

"I'm just curious. What kind of person could tame you? Who could make you settle down?"

 

"No one!" Then he switches to English, saying that kind of person doesn't exist.

 

"Why not? What kind of person do you like?"

 

"Someone like Mr Qi-ow, ow, ow! I'm kidding! Geez, you're so possessive, Duang."

 

"There's no such thing as being too possessive when it comes to your partner."

 

"I like someone confident, someone who doesn't care about me."

 

"You're such a masochist."

 

"I like someone who isn't crazy in love. Not like you, for example."

 

"Ugh, stop insulting me." I sip beer through a straw, pretending it's an Italian soda. Everyone does it, I swear. The smell of beer is everywhere.

"I want them to love me, but also be able to leave me. Someone who can live without me, whether they want me or not. That's the kind of person I like. But they don't exist. I'm too amazing. Who wouldn't care about me?"

 

"Am I wrong? Everyone wants me," says Jettana.

 

I choke on my drink, laughing and feeling a little sorry for him. How can someone be this pitiful? No one compliments him, so he has to do it himself.

 

I throw an arm around his shoulder as we walk. He complains, telling me not to touch him because he doesn't want people thinking I'm his boyfriend. But seriously, Jettana...

 

"Dude, look! It's Gump!"

 

"Isn't that Moo? The guy with the buzz cut. Damn, he looks good in person."

 

"The only guy who can pull off a buzz cut. Usually, it makes people look like eels," Jettana comments.

 

"Including you?"

 

"Me too. My face isn't good enough for that." He laughs with his mouth wide open.

Speaking of which, where's Pae? He hasn't called. Probably fighting with his girlfriend again. She's a bit clingy.

 

"Where's Khonfu? Who wouldn't bring her to an event like this?"

 

"She's with Quinn's friend, who studies the arts. She's Quinn's high school friend."

 

"Oh, everyone wants to play with your dog, huh?"

 

"Damn, he's really here."

 

"Who?"

 

"Shinta. Quinn likes him, says he has a good vibe."

 

"You're going to get jealous and stab him with a pencil?"

 

"No way. He's way too tall."

"Is he here with his boyfriend? They're holding hands. Look."

 

I glance at the small guy holding hands with him. I don't know how old they are since I don't follow their social media, but they both look pretty mature.

 

"Dude, he looks so soft with his partner. He keeps petting him."

 

"Yeah, his partner's cute."

 

"I'm taking notes to tell Mr Quinn later. Gotta score some points."

 

"Stop it. Sometimes Quinn really gets upset, and I have to spend a whole day making it up to him, you idiot."

 

"I'm just messing around."

 

"Quinn always believes you, though. I don't get it." I smack the back of his head as he laughs uncontrollably. Sometimes he just drops random bombs while we are having a meal, like when I complimented a senior's legs after she wore a short skirt. That day, I practically begged Quinn to talk to me again. If I ever lost him, I'd be done for. I really am the kind of person Jettana describes. Hopelessly in love.

 

"Do you want to eat something? It's almost 7:30."

 

"Nah, let's go. I want to be up front so Quinn can see me."

 

"Of course."

 

"Well, my boyfriend's adorable."

 

"I won't argue with that. Ever since that day someone sat on your lap and you went out to clear things up, I've believed it with all my heart.

 

"Wait, were you spying on us?"

 

"Duang, why are you interrogating me? I'm just a patriotic citizen who loves my country, religion, and king from the bottom of my heart."

 

I almost facepalm at his ridiculous attempt to change the subject. You fucker.

 

"You really followed me, didn't you?"

 

"Yeah, yeah, Pae and I did. Don't just blame me."

 

"You're the worst."

 

"When Mr Quinn apologised to you that day, I knew he was truly adorable."

 

"I'm going to erase your memory."

 

"You're so dramatic. So possessive."

 

"Can you blame me? Just look at him." I nod toward the stage where the screen shows the band's name and members. The crowd screams like crazy, and when Quinn's stoic face appears, people lose their minds. Why does my boyfriend have to be so popular? I'm mad.

 

"If you're mad, be mad at yourself for loving him too much."

 

"Oh, is that so?"

 

"Seriously, who wouldn't like him? He's the definition of angelic."

 

"It's true. Every day I wake up and see Quinn, it feels like I'm in heaven."

 

"Such a show-off bitch!' he curses at me in English. I don't understand it, but from the tone, I'm sure it's an insult. Just then, my phone buzzes. I pick it up immediately and nudge Jet to let him know I'll be back in a moment. I step away to a quieter spot, worried Quinn mightn't hear me.

 

[Duang.]

"Yes, babe? What's up?"

 

[Babe.]

"Is something wrong? Are you okay, Quinn? Should I come to you?"

 

[Yeah, come here. Backstage. I'll wait.]

"Don't hang up yet. What's wrong? Tell me, Quinn."

 

[... Nervous.]

As soon as I hear that, I comfort him. He always feels like a little kid when it comes to something he puts his heart into. I quicken my pace, weaving through the crowd until I reach the backstage area where staff are stationed to keep outsiders out. It seems many people recognise me, and Quinn is already waiting there. He only has ten minutes before he goes on. Oh, this adorable person.

 

"Come here, let me hug you."

..."

 

"Come on."

 

He walks into my arms without hesitation, not caring who might be watching. press a kiss to his head, whispering how talented he is, that it's okay to make mistakes, to miss a high note. I sway him gently, warming his cold body with mine.

 

"Feeling better?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Are you wearing my perfume today?"

 

Quinn nods. I stroke his cheek. Luckily, it's dark here; otherwise, we'd draw even more attention.

 

"I just wanted to feel like you're close."

 

"If you keep saying this, I'll bring a chair and sit next to you on stage."

 

"You're being dramatic."

 

"Your hands are freezing. If you play the bass like this, your fingers might fall off."

 

"Then hold my hand."

 

My heart feels like it's melting. I tighten my grip on his hand and bring it to my cheek. Quinn complains about the crowd and says he wants to leave right after the concert to avoid people asking for photos. I nod and tell him we'll find something delicious to eat afterwards.

 

"Do you want anything from the fair? I'll buy it for you," I offer.

 

"I want custard-filled pancakes."

 

"Okay, how many?"

 

"Ten."

 

"Wow, ten? Really?"

 

I talk to Quinn like he's a child. He smiles as I rant about Jettana. Soon, I have to let go of his hand because the staff comes to get him. I kiss his head quickly and tell him I'll be watching, just like always. There's nothing to worry about.

 

"If you feel uneasy, just look at me."

 

"Okay."

 

"Alright, my talented one."

 

I watch him disappear with the staff until he's out of sight. I sigh, wishing 1 could take care of everything for him. He's so fragile. I make my way back to Jettana, which takes a while as I navigate through the crowd.

 

"You're finally back, you little shit. They're about to start. Where did you go?"

 

"Seeing for my boyfriend."

 

"Ugh! I hate you."

 

"Quinn was a bit nervous, so I went to comfort him."

 

"Why couldn't it have been me that day?"

 

I shrug and tell him to hush because Quinn's band is up next. He looks amazing as always, even more angelic today with the signature necklace that he always wears on stage.

 

"He looks incredible."

 

"Yeah, really," I reply to Jettana.

 

Quinn's long hair adds to his charm. Besides playing the bass, he sometimes does backup vocals for the band. The woman next to me screams so much that her voice goes hoarse. Should scream louder?

 

"Will he sing next?"

 

"Yeah, he'll step down and prepare to sing. Just one song."

 

"And then?"

 

"Then we leave. Quinn said he doesn't want to meet people."

 

"Makes sense. You should leave, too. Your face is stealing my spotlight."

 

Jettana says, turning back to focus on the concert. I'm no different, responding to him while keeping my eyes on Quinn. Then the moment comes when our eyes meet. The woman next to me screams at the top of her lungs, shaking her friend, saying Quinn just smiled at her. I glance over, amused, but her friend notices and bursts her bubble with a flat tone.

 

"He smiled at Duang."

 

"Where?"

 

"Right next to you, duh."

 

"Oh my god, I'm sorry."

 

"It's okay."I laugh, not taking it to heart because Quinn really did smile at me. Part of me feels proud that people admire him for his music, his voice, and for being himself. But another part of me feels possessive, wanting to keep him all to myself, hidden away from the world. What can I do? He's everything to me.

 

"Mr Quinn's offstage now."

 

"I'm so excited."

 

"Why?"

"I don't know what song he'll sing. He practised with the next band in the afternoon while we were in class."

 

"Secretly hoping your boyfriend sings for you, huh?"

 

"He sings for me every night, thank you very much."

 

"Ugh, I hate you. I want to end our friendship, Duang."

 

"Tough luck, Jet. You'll never be as good as me."

 

"Idiot." He stomps his foot in frustration as the emcee announces the next band, listing their names and years. The crowd goes wild again for Quinn. I sigh and shake my head. Whatever. It's the last day. Once the semester ends, I'm taking him back to Bangkok and putting him up at my place. He won't go anywhere. Meals? We'll order delivery. Just wait and see!

 

"Hello, everyone. Today, our band has a special guest singer. I think it's someone you've all been waiting for."

 

"Ahhhhhh~~~~"

 

"Quinnnnnn!"

 

"I want to be your girlfriend!"

 

"He has a boyfriend! He's taken! I'm heartbroken too!"

 

I widen my eyes and cover Jettana's mouth as he yells out loud. I'm not embarrassed, just worried about drawing attention. I was just standing here minding my own business, damn it.

 

"Why? So that people will know he's taken."

 

"Shut up."

 

"Let's give a big round of applause for our special guest singer today~!"

 

I kick Jettana as he keeps shouting, 'A big round of applause!' while everyone else cheers loudly. I look around. Everyone seems genuinely excited as Quinn steps onto the stage. He transforms into someone else up there, free from worry.

Our eyes meet. I smile at him, knowing he'll see it. He grabs the mic, and that's all it takes for the crowd to erupt. His voice is amazing. He commands the stage effortlessly. Everyone says so. But his dream isn't to join the industry, form a band, or become a famous singer. He just wants to listen to jazz and create music for his parents, who are also passionate about jazz.

 

That's what he told me.

He's the most wonderful person in the world.

 

"This song is for you."

 

I lose track of Jettana's screaming, which might even be louder than the woman next to me. Jettana keeps hitting me because Quinn said the song is for me. Quinn really means it when he smiles at me like that. My heart races. It races just like always.

 

"There comes a time in a young man's life

He should settle down and find himself a wife

But I'm just fine 'cause I know that you are mine."

 

And I'm his, just like the song says.

 

"Looking back on 2009

When people said that it was raining all the time."

 

He's mine, too. Quinn is mine.

 

"I see sunshine 'cause I know that you are mine."

We belong to each other.