Chem Chey: English Translation.
The auspicious colour for today was green. The ever-reliable Intha chose a light green T-shirt to pair with black shorts. He looked like a lime peel, complete with a helmet on his head and leather shoes he'd worn with a dashing outfit the day before. Am I supposed to get used to this weirdness? I like rugged men, classy and sophisticated. But this version of him, the one I've gotten to know, is... way off my type. But then, "Oops! Dropped my wallet."
Intha's wallet fell open, and Akara glanced down at the cards spilling out. Among them was a platinum card, followed by a BMW car key that tumbled out right after. Alright, on a second thought, Intha is probably my type after all. Who knows? Maybe my type correlates directly with the amount of money in their wallet.
"Why are you looking at me like that? Is there something on your mind, or do you want kids?" Feeling the stare, Intha straightened up to his full height, locking eyes with Akara. The latter slowly shook his head.
"Nothin'.." He paused briefly. "And I don't have a uterus."
"Don't be sad. If we get married, we don't need to have kids. Just the two of us, Uncle In and Auntie Eung, growing old together is enough." He was serious, almost sentimental... but then,
"I wanna eat tam sua."
"Hold on, I was talking about marriage."
"I'm hungry. I want spicy tam sua."
"Got it."
"Extra spicy."
"Alright, alright. Lock the house up, then." Shaking his head at Akara's exaggeratedly weak and hungry act, Intha stood watching as the other man locked the door. Then, he started walking toward the car, letting the grumpy one follow behind. Soon, they were seated together in the car, the air conditioning cooling them down, drying the sweat that had started to form.
"I can't think straight 'cause I'm hungry."
"Ah... I'll drive fast then."
"It's okay, but can you stop by 7-Eleven and get me chicken sausage first?"
"Ah... sure."
He agreed reluctantly, not wanting to argue. Intha started the car, but as they drove a little, something caught his attention. "Isn't your shirt collar a bit too wide?" He commented, glancing at Akara's shirt collar. It dipped low enough to reveal his collarbones and even a hint of his firm chest.
"It's normal. I think this shirt is comfy."
"Pull it up a bit."
"Do you want that sausage or not? If you want me to go buy it, pull your shirt up." His tone grew firmer as Akara sat still, merely glancing down at his own chest. My shirt's practically chokin' me to death. No hickeys, no bite marks to be seen...Or maybe...
"Please, just cover up a bit. I'm possessive."
"Oh damn, I must be so gorgeous!" Akara burst out laughing in the car when Intha said that. He turned to look at Intha, reaching out to pinch his cheek as the car pulled up in front of 7-Eleven. "Look at me, Hia... there's nothin' to be possessive about. I'm not cute, not pretty. If I go out, I'm just askin' for a beatin"."
"Whether you're cute or pretty depends on who's looking. If you don't pull your shirt up, you're staying here. What do you want again? Chicken sausage? Wait here, I'll get it for you." Intha patted Akara's cheek lightly as payback for the pinch, then opened the car door and stepped out.
Left alone in the car was the sharp-featured man with frightening tattoos on his arms. Akara watched as Intha walked away with his long strides, then decided to roll the car window halfway down. He called out loudly, "Hia.."
"You don't have to confess your love to me just because you're blushing." The one being called stopped in his tracks, turning slightly to glance at Akara, hands in his pockets, a faint smile at the corner of his lips. Did he think this pose is so cool?
"You don't have to pose like you're some kinda master thief. I wasn't about to confess. I just wanna tell you to get me two boxes of Bear Brand milk, honey flavour. That's all."
Akara rolled the window back up, rolling his eyes before pulling out his phone to take some selfies, post stories, and scroll aimlessly. Let's do somethin' to kill time. Intha was taking forever. Heating up a sausage shouldn't take this long. He thought about calling, but the guy had left his phone in the car. Peeking into the 7-Eleven, Akara spotted the bowl-cut guy standing by the book section, gently flipping through a book. It looked like he picked up two books before heading to the counter to pay.
Wanna bet it's either a prayer book or an amulet magazine by amulet experts, amulet enthusiasts, renowned monks... and so forth. Akara thought to himself, pushing his tongue against the inside of his cheek. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the car seat, waiting silently....Finally, Intha emerged, opened the car door, and got in.
"Saw you at the bookshelf. What book did you buy?" he asked...
"An amulet magazine."
I fuckin knew it!
He shouted internally but replied, "Oh... uh-huh... okayyyy."
"Eung, grab the scented sachet we bought yesterday. It's by your side of the car door." Intha settled into the driver's seat but didn't start the car yet. He pulled the amulet magazine out of the 7-Eleven bag and tossed it onto the back seat, then handed the rest of the bag's contents to Akara. They exchanged food for the scented sachet Akara retrieved...
"I'm just eatin' in the car. Do you really have to ask for a scented sachet?"
"Of course not. I'm replacing the old one. It doesn't have any scent left." Akara ruffled his already messy hair before focusing on the plastic wrap around the box. Intha couldn't open it. He tried pulling and tearing, but the plastic wouldn't budge. Akara, who'd been watching, shoved an entire sausage into his mouth at once, freeing his hands to grab the item from Intha. With a loud rip, the plastic tore apart effortlessly.
"Pathetic," one attack to Intha...
"You're like a heavy-lifting ogre..."
"Just a moment ago, you were actin' like I was a cutie patootie."
"Fine, you're a cutie patootie." Intha sighed deeply, then hung the new scented sachet on the rearview mirror, replacing the old one.
The pleasant scent mixed with the smell of food filled the car. The heavy-lifting, adorable ogre began sipping his Bear Brand milk... just as the car started moving. Akara thought he was lucky to have had a small snack before the main tam sua meal because the temple boy had forgotten it was Monday. The Som Tam Restaurant wasn't open today. In other words, this was a total waste of a trip.
Intha turned to Akara with a dry smile and said, "Let's just eat at the place near my home, okay?"
They ended up at the som tam restaurant at the entrance of Intha’s neighbourhood. There were a few customers, and the menu had a decent selection.
"One tam sua," Intha wrote down the dish Akara had mentioned earlier on the order slip. His posture was neat, his bowl-cut bangs perfectly still, complementing his fair, symmetrical face. His high-bridged nose, along with his distinctive features, made his face memorable even at a glance.
"So thoughtful," Akara said with a wide smile, pleased that Intha remembered. The tattooed man glanced at the vinyl sign hanging by the restaurant before turning back to Intha. "What ingredients do they put in their tam pa?"
"Teak wood, rosewood, makha wood, deer antlered phalaenopsis, a bit of mint then and there..."
"Now you're just bein' a little shit."
"Shit? Oh, you mean it tastes like shit? I'll tell the cook so."
"Wait!"
"You meant you're not done criticising the food yet?"
"Silent treatment...? You must be thirsty. Let's add spicy pork cartilage soup, too."
"You're too much of a little shit. My head hurts."
How could you misinterpret everythin' I said? Akara wanted to smack him hard enough to mess up his bangs.
"No pig's head, but we can start with grilled pork neck." Intha finished the order by waving over a waiter to take the slip. Then, he turned back with a sweet smile looking bubbly, like he'd just made a donation to the temple.
"Be honest, are you this annoyin' with everyone?"
"Nope, just with special people," Intha replied, slipping his hand into his pocket to pull out his phone. He smirked slightly as he scrolled through it.
He wasn't paying attention to the sweet Eung-eung, he merely opened his Facebook swiping through the timeline. Scrolling through pictures of lovely university girls in their pristine white blouses and short skirts.
"Your feed doesn't seem to have any guys at all?"
Whoa! The ever-adorbs Eung-eung had somehow slid into the seat beside Intha without him noticing. His eyes were locked onto his phone screen, leaving the temple boy with little room to explain himself. Intha hastily slid his phone under the table to hide it.
"Juniors!!! All of them are just my juniors!"
"Sure, juniooors. I guess that makes me your junior as well, so many juniors you have there," Intha mimicked Intha's high-pitched notes, grabbing his pale neck and massaging it harshly.
"Eung... that hurts."
"Are you into the one you just liked that much?"
"Heyyy, none of them compares to you."
"Be honest."
"I liked her... she's cute."
"Your hairstyle might resemble a helmet, but it can't shield you from my damn punches."
"Let's talk calmly, no violence, please?" Intha grabbed the hand, massaging his neck and buried his face into Akara's broad shoulder, nibbling and scraping his teeth along the shoulder line until Akara's frown turned into irritation. The younger man relented and changed the subject. "Who's at your house right now?"
"Probably my mom and my brother."
"Is your mom strict?"
"She's the kindest, but she's terrible with grammar. At least she's not into some questionable cults," Intha chuckled as he answered, glancing at the food being served.
Akara noticed that Intha had ordered tam pa for him, even though he'd only casually asked about it and never said he wanted to eat it. Or had he accidentally shown some hungry expression that gave him away? He wasn't sure, but the fact that Intha was so considerate it wasn't surprising if his heart started fluttering a little.
"How many siblings do you have?"
"Three. Aon, In, and Ong. All guys. What about you?"
"Only child. My dad's super protective."
"Oh dear, I've already fornicated with his son. Am I going to get shot?" Intha’s innocent expression didn't show the slightest hint of fear. Seeing this demeanour, Akara felt like threatening him.
"My father has a shotgun... and he'll hear about this, Potter."
"Then I'll just put you in a taxi right here. Here... five hundred should cover the fare."
Intha pulled out a purple banknote and handed it to Akara, expecting to be cussed or smacked so hard his face would slam into the table. But no, because Akara, going with the flow, pocketed the five hundred baht, stood up, and grabbed a sticky rice packet.
He rolled the rice into a ball, popped it into his mouth, followed by a piece of grilled pork dipped in nam jim jaew. "Goodbye. I'm leavin'. I live by the motto: if a man chases me away, then I won't stay."
"I was joking! Let's sit down and calm down first, okay?" Intha pretended to dust off the chair and pulled Akara's arm to make him sit back down. He then saw Akara smirk and realised he'd been tricked...His five hundred baht... was already safely in Akara's pocket.
"My dear cupcake, let me ask you seriously. Is your dad really that protective? If I were to court you, what would he say? I'd risk the shotgun if it meant having you by my side. Are you a man or an angel? Beautiful, lovely no one in the entire district could compare to you."
"Uh... I don't even know what to say to that."
Akara pulled his neck back like a turtle, ignoring Intha and focusing on his food instead. The man sitting next to him now was a sly one. In front of others, he acted like a saint, but with Akara, he was all mischievous glances and sly smiles.
"Badmouthing me in your mind? That's ten rounds for you."
"Ugh." Akara rolled his eyes, his face showing utter exasperation.
"Alright, I'll quit joking. But seriously, how protective is your dad? I need to prepare myself. maybe even get life insurance."
"If my dad were that protective, I wouldn't be the whore I am."
"Does he know... You know?"
"That I'm gay?"
"Yeah."
"He knows everythin'. Who I date, who I don't. He adored that asshole Bomb to death."
Akara froze for a moment, realising he'd accidentally mentioned his ex. He glanced at Intha to gauge his reaction, but all he saw was the temple boy casually chewing long beans from the som tam. Akara couldn't help but ask, "Didn't you say you don't eat vegetables?"
"It's bitter. Hearing about your ex makes it so bitter that I don't even notice the bitterness of these beans."
"What about papaya? It's a vegetable. Why can you eat that? Isn't it bitter?"
"No, papaya is a fruit."
"Oh... I see." Akara tried to steer the conversation away, but then fell silent. He felt a little guilty for bringing up his ex. Honestly, he shouldn't have...He worried that Intha might overthink it, but aside from wincing from the spiciness and spitting out the long
beans into a tissue, Intha didn't say anything else. His expression remained neutral, revealing nothing.
"Are you overthinkin'?"
"About your ex?"
"Yup... sorry. I won't bring it up again." Akara licked his lips and nudged Intha's knee with his own. Intha smiled softly, in his usual calm manner, and lightly pushed Akara's head with the back of his hand, signalling him not to worry.
"I don't care what you did before you met me. But if you're mine now... then you're mine."
"..."
"Lukepla."
"What!?"
"That's the name of my ex-girlfriend."
Whack!
As soon as Intha revealed his ex's name, Akara's head jerked forward. When he looked up, his bangs were all messed up. Intha glared at him, rubbing his head where it hurt.
"Tell me, was that your hand or just a strong gust of wind?"
"My fuckin' hand."
"I'm going to cry! You hit me on the head!"
"I know it's unfair. You're not mad, but I'm angry about your ex. Don't bring her up again."
"Fine, eat your tam sua. I'm not eating anymore. I'm sulking."
"There, there, poor baby. Don't sulk. I only slapped lightly."
"Keep your insincere apology to yourself."
"Alright, I'll give you five hundred baht."
"That's my money!"
"Then I'll let you fuck me ten times."
"Deal." Akara's frown turned into a beaming smile. Intha pinched his waist and even kissed him on the head. "Ten times."
"Ten rounds... ten rounds, ten rounds, ten rounds!!!"
"Ugh! You're so annoying!!"
After the meal, Intha drove Akara home. The luxury car turned into a gated community and soon parked in front of a large house. The taller man got out first, not forgetting to grab the used clothes and trash to throw away. Akara politely surveyed the surroundings before following Intha, who waited at the front. He let his thoughts
wander, comparing how none of his exes had ever taken him to their homes, yet Intha confidently led him through the living room straight to the kitchen.
"Mom, In-in is back. I brought someone with me."
Akara's heart raced as he imagined what Intha's mom would be like. His curiosity was soon satisfied when a middle-aged woman, not very tall, slightly plump, and very fair-skinned, walked out of the kitchen wearing an apron. That must be Hia's mom. They looked so alike. Akara clasped his hands in a respectful wai. Intha's mom smiled gently and returned the gesture.
"You must be Eung. Just like In-in described."
This dude sold me out to his mom?! He could only give a dry smile, thinking, I'll deal with him later.
"Did In get any packages?"
"They're in the living room, honey. Have you eaten yet? I tried making brownies today. Help me taste them."
"In-in will go grab his package. Mom, let Eung try the brownies first. By the way, where's N' Ong?"
"Upstairs. Every time I bake, he runs to his room." She sounded slightly irritated but placed a hand on Akara's arm, smiling sweetly when Intha defended his brother.
"He doesn't like sweets. It's not strange he'd hide in his room. But Eung loves them, right, Eung?"
"Really?"
Getting dragged into the fray like that, Akara could only nod and smile at Intha's mom. The woman's dewy hand resting on his tattooed arm gently tugged him toward the kitchen. "Come on, let's try them."
Akara exchanged a glance with Intha, whose bowl-cut hair swayed as he walked away, leaving his mother to bring out the tray of brownies from the oven. It was a big tray. Feeling energetic, Akara offered to help carry it.
"Mom, let me help."
"Such big arms, you must be strong." Akara shivered as she patted his biceps, quickly stepping away toward the oven. The sweet aroma in the air grew stronger as he opened the oven door. He pulled out the tray of dark brownies, still steaming. They looked quite appetising. He placed the tray on the kitchen counter as instructed, watching as Intha's mom cut them into bite-sized pieces.
"In-in said you like to do ballet. Is that true?"
"Uh, like this?" Akara asked, puzzled, before raising both hands above his head and spinning gently. It was pretty difficult since his head nearly hit the range hood. Intha's kitchen ceiling seemed a bit low. But he could dance. Akara, the dancing queen, former faculty cheerleader, had performed at both ordinations and wedding ceremonies.
How did Hia even know I like dancin'? Is he psychic or just makin' stuff up? "Good, good. Just like that. I like it... Every time I make Aon, In-in, or Ong dance, they just play dumb. No fun at all."
"I'd love to see Hia In dance."
"That's tough... Did you know In-in was the university's heartthrob back in the day, sweetie? Here, try the brownies while we chat. I'll have someone make tea and bring it to the living room. Come, follow me. I have something to tell you."
Akara took a bite of the brownie, furrowing his brows slightly before nodding in approval. Honestly, he'd planned to act manly, but hearing about Intha made him unconsciously point his toes and purse his lips after swallowing the overly sweet brownie. It was as if Intha's mom owned a sugar factory.
"But he's handsome, Mom. It makes sense he was famous."
"You think Intha's handsome, too, huh? But he always insists on keeping that hairstyle. No matter how much I tell him to change it, he won't."
"It's fashion, Mom. Call it fashion. It's his gimmick. He has his own style."
"More like stubborn, sweetie."
"Really? But he's very accommodatin' with me." Akara followed Intha's mom, chatting animatedly, their conversation flowing naturally like two women gossiping. Every move didn't go unnoticed by Intha. The tall man leaned against the kitchen doorframe, watching Akara's back as he walked to the living room with his mom.
They seem to get along well. If you don't believe me, ask Ong to be a witness.
"So, what do you think of your future sister-in-law?"
"I don't know. Move. You're in the way, asshole. I'm getting a drink. I don't like meddling in couple stuff."
"Fine, go ahead." Intha stepped aside for his grumpy younger brother, then smiled brightly as he thought of Akara. My Eung-eung is amazing. He gets along so well with Mom.